Bon Appétit Pop Quiz

Which of the following ingredients would you most expect to find in a Bon Appétit recipe?

a) jello
b) pizza dough in a can
c) crack cocaine

If you answered c) crack cocaine, you aren’t very smart because crack cocaine is against the law and I don’t think Barbara Fairchild is the type to recommend that you begin cooking with illegal substances. As for a) jello, I think they’re going to make jello illegal soon.
I just made that up but I don’t think it’s an awful idea.

The correct answer is b) pizza dough in a can. Yes, the pre-made dough in the cardboard tube
off of which you peel the label and onto which you press the back of a spoon until the can pops open.

Bon Appétit suggests using this pre-made dough to save time when making Cheesy Zucchini and Red Onion Flatbread.
I was shocked to read this.
Shocked.
Are you shocked?
I am shocked.
This is Bon Appétit we are talking about here!
Pizza dough in a can?
(I want you to know that I accidentally typed ‘Oizza Dopugh in a Van’ and I almost didn't fix it.)

In Bon Appétit’s defense, I found this recipe in the back of the issue, in the section of “Fast Easy Fresh” recipes. I suppose readers aren’t expecting any precious treasures in the “Fast Easy Fresh” section, and that’s why this one got slipped in.
Expectations of precious treasures aside, this flatbread is really quite easy and quite excellent. I think it might be nice served alongside some carrot soup with some jello powder or crack cocaine sprinkled on top.



Cheesy Zucchini and Red Onion Flatbread
~adapted from Bon Appétit August 2006

Nonstick vegetable oil spray
1 10-ounce tube refrigerated pizza dough
3/4 cup garlic-and-herb cheese spread (such as Alouette), divided
3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese, divided
3 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley, divided
1 small red onion
1 7- to 8-inch-long zucchini (yellow or green), cut crosswise into 1/8-inch-thick rounds, divided
Olive oil


Preheat oven to 400°F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper; spray with nonstick spray. Whack can of pizza dough against countertop until the tube pops open. Alternatively, follow directions on the tube and press a spoon against the seam of the tube until it comes open. Unroll dough onto parchment. Spread half of herbed cheese over 1 long half of dough, leaving 1/2-inch plain border. Sprinkle with half of Parmesan and 2 tablespoons parsley. Using parchment as aid, fold plain half of dough over filled half (do not seal edges). Spread remaining herb cheese over top; sprinkle with remaining Parmesan. Remove enough outer layers of onion to yield 2-inch-diameter core; cut into 1/8-inch-thick rounds. Arrange 1 row of zucchini down 1 long side of dough. Arrange onion rounds in row alongside zucchini. Arrange 1 more row of zucchini alongside onion. Brush vegetables with oil; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake bread until puffed and deep brown at edges, about 24 minutes. Sprinkle with 1 tablespoon parsley.