One-Handed Dump Cake

Undoubtedly, there will be times when the trammels of everyday life prevent you from having enough time to make dessert. The leisure time in your day becomes lamentably overwhelmed by mundane, necessary activities that simply cannot be avoided, such as going to to work, doing actual work while you are at work, cleaning the bathroom, and practicing Journey covers on the viola (the last is a highly enjoyable activity, but it nevertheless detracts from my weekly allotted dessert-making time).

Despite these time-consuming tasks that manage to take up most of the day, dessert is occasionally a necessity that cannot be neglected. Unfortunately, sometimes you don’t even have four minutes with which to make a dessert, no matter how much your heart aches to be in the kitchen, cracking eggs, spilling flour, and gazing adoringly at your whirring KitchenAid.

To the ubiquitous human plight of not having enough time to make dessert, I present a solution to you: Dump Cake. The essence of dump cake lies in the efficient act of the Dumping of pantry ingredients that have an indefinite shelf life and can be ready for use at a moment’s notice. No shopping required, and as an added bonus, no stirring required! Whether you are in the midst of preparing a last-minute dinner party for friends you love, or slapping a dessert together for a potluck that you don’t really want to go to anyway, the process is the same. You simply dump the ingredients into a pan, spread them around, and stick the pan in the oven. Then you are done!

Dump cake fits busy schedules perfectly; its low-maintenance preparation allows you the convenience of doing two things at once, because you only need one hand to make dump cake. One hand does the dumping, while the other is left completely free to complete other necessary daily tasks that only require the use of one arm, such as:

feeding a fish
dribbling a basketball
holding a baby on your hip
doing shots of tequila
doing shots of tequila while holding a baby on your hip
playing “Iron Man” on the recorder (as long as you don’t start lower than ‘A’)
participating in a fencing tournament
picking your nose
picking your friend’s nose
signaling a right turn
playing tennis (only forehand strokes)
acting out Hamlet with finger puppets
practicing jazz hand
making a second dump cake


Admittedly, dump cake is not a a dessert of high caliber. It is not the sort of dessert that lends a feeling of accomplishment upon pulling it out of the oven and setting it down on the table at an elegant dinner party. There are other desserts that are more impressive, and there are other desserts that are more delicious. But- there are not many other desserts that taste this good that can be prepared in under four minutes. This cake really does taste good. The first time I read about it on the internet, I thought it was a joke. No stirring? Upon more googling, however, I found that dump cake is a guilty pleasure that many Americans take comfort in. So if you need a tasty dessert within the next hour, and you’re not trying to impress anyone, make dump cake. Your guests will love it, and if they don’t love it, they’ll at least like it, and they'll certainly be entertained when you tell them how it is made.

No stirring necessary; the cake mix absorbs the fruit juices
and transforms into a cobbler-like consistency.

Dump Cake
1 20 oz. can crushed pineapple
1 16 oz. can cherry pie filling
1 package yellow white cake mix
1 stick of butter, cut into thin slices (or just melt it if you’re really pressed for time)

Preheat oven to 350ºF.
Dump crushed pineapple and juices into a 13 x 9 inch baking pan.
Dump cherries.
Dump cake mix.
Dump butter slices (or drizzle the melted butter over top of the cake mix).
Bake for 30-50 minutes, until the top of the cake is golden-brown.
Serve as is, or with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Other variations include:
Omit the pineapple juice, use 2 cans of cherry pie filling, and use chocolate cake mix instead of yellow. Mmmmmm....that sounds delicious!
Or, sprinkle some sweetened, shredded coconut before you add the butter. You can also sprinkle chopped pecans before you add the butter.
Or, use apple pie filling and a mix for spice cake.
The options are endless!
Aren’t you so glad you know about dump cake now?