Fancy Toast

Lovely Apple Tart Cake

2012-01-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

Just this once, I am letting the children entertain themselves while I blog. It’s not going well. I can barely even finish a sen

Kids are a lot of work, you know. They need this and they need that and they spill this and break that and then they poop on

Okay, I’m back! Where were we? Oh yeah, I was telling you about this fantastic apple tart recipe where I slice apples really thinly and then mi

Well THAT wasn’t pretty. Wait until my husband hears about that. He'll

Crap I can’t do this. Here’s that apple tart that I’ve been making for a few years now that I’m still not sick of:

http://orangette.blogspot.com/2009/01/calls-for-cake.html

Read what Molly has to say about it. She says it better than I ever could, even if my children weren’t cl

Gruesome Footage of Delightfully Gelatinous Chicken Stock

2011-12-29T09:54:00.000-08:00

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: one is roots, the other is wings." — Henry Ward Beecher

We can also give them chicken feet so that they can help us make jiggly chicken stock. Yes, jiggly chicken stock, the best kind of chicken stock. Gelatinous, flavorful, and nutrient-rich. The only thing wrong with making chicken stock made out of chicken feet is the chicken feet.

The footage only gets grosser the farther down you scroll, so if this grosses you out, then you should maybe stop reading. Not that I want you stop reading, though. So you should just keep reading, even if you think this picture is gross.

I got as far as purchasing the feet. Once I got home and set them on the table, I got stuck. I sat there with my head in my hands, involuntarily moaning, occasionally poking the package of feet with an old chopstick, wondering why I had decided to spend my Wednesday gagging at nasty chicken feet instead of doing something fun, or even better, normal.

Along came Alice, who noticed my obvious distress and clambered up onto the chair next to me. She put her hand on mine and said, “It’s OK, Mommy. The chicken feet aren’t alive. They aren’t going to get you.”

“I know, but they’re FOUL. I can’t even look at them…how am I going to get them out of the package? How am I ever going to achieve jiggly chicken broth?”

“I’ll do it, Mom. I’m braver than you.” And before I could protest, or ask her if she got my joke, she tore open the plastic wrap, fearlessly grabbed two chicken feet, and gleefully waved them around in the air. A squeal of horror began to leak from the depths of my soul, but was squelched by a sudden, overwhelming rush of love and adoration for my little girl. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring the scaly appendages so that I could no longer tell what was a dancing chicken foot and what was my daughter’s ecstatic face. My revulsion to chicken feet disappeared, leaving me with nothing but an all-encompassing love of all creatures great and small, furry and feathery, blah blah blah blah. Whatever. My warm and fuzzy bubble was abruptly shattered when Alice requested two skewers (“those giant toothpicks”) so that she could turn the chicken feet into puppets and make them talk to each other. I have never experienced dry heaving and laughing at the same time, but this might have been the closest I’ve ever come.

How are YOU doing right now, anyway? I hope I haven’t lost anyone. But I won’t take offense if you’ve clicked away by now. And in case you arrived on this post to actually learn about making stock with chicken feet, I will eventually get to that. But first I must ramble on about my child for just a little longer. I hope you understand.

Anyway, I gave her some skewers. Who am I to deny her that joy? I did the skewering, of course. Duh. You think I would let a three year old skewer raw chicken feet by herself? Now that’s just unsafe.

She grabbed the skewers and enthusiastically acted out a few puppet scenes. (That was the part of the story where I gave my child wings, by the way, but not real wings, because this story is about feet. Although wings make good stock, too...) Encouraged by her boldness in the face of danger, I marched into the kitchen, unwrapped the rest of the feet, and proceeded to hack off their talons.

The dry heaves returned.

I questioned whether this was a necessary step, but the internet declared it so, in order for the gelatin in the bones to seep out. It turns out I will do whatever it takes to get jiggly broth, so I cut those claws off as quickly as I could and threw the feet into the stockpot. Alice helped. I like to think that she grew some roots that day.

Recipe for Gelatinous Chicken Stock Made with Chicken Feet

Actually, I’m not going to give you an exact recipe, for a few reasons:

1. There is such a wealth of information on the internet about homemade stock that I am not going to pretend that I know enough about it to be proclaiming myself a jiggly chicken stock expert.

2. I don’t really think anyone is reading this post anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s too gross. I’m just writing it down so in twenty years when Alice tells me we never did anything fun when she was little, I have proof that her childhood was fucking awesome.

But if you really are still reading this, and you really are curious, here is one way that you can achieve incredibly delicious, gelatinous chicken broth:

Ingredients:

- About 2 pounds of chicken feet. Chop off the talons and discard them. Hopefully your chicken feet will come already skinned, otherwise you’ll have to do that yourself. Ew.

- The bones and carcasses from 2 roasted chickens.
(EXTREMELY HELPFUL TIP: Any time you roast a chicken or bake chicken parts, you can freeze the carcass and leftover bones, even those from your guests. It sounds soooooo gross to be scraping your guests’ bones into a bag and putting them in your freezer, but the stock cooks for so long that the germs have no chance.)

- A few carrots, onions, and stalks of celery. Nothing needs to be peeled.

- Two bay leaves, fresh or dried thyme, perhaps a teaspoon of peppercorns.

- Three quarts of cold water (I might have poured in four; I can’t remember. Someone else can give you more accurate measurements. Anyway, you really can’t mess up, unless you add too much water, and then your stock will be too thin.)

Directions:

Bring all ingredients to a boil, skimming the scum from the top every once in awhile (or not). Turn down heat and simmer for hours and hours and hours. Then, go to a rehearsal and send your husband a text to please turn off the stove. Then, come home 4 hours later and find out that he didn’t get your text. Oh well, a little more simmering won’t hurt it.

Let the stock cool for a bit. Strain out everything and discard everything but the stock. Separate into various container sizes and freeze for later use.

Result: incredibly unctuous, smooth, thick flavorful stock that jiggles in the container like a bowlful of jell-o.

Corn Pudding

2011-11-21T08:22:00.000-08:00

This is the amount of corn pudding that I will eat today:

But this is how much corn pudding I wish I were eating today:

And when you make this corn pudding, you will wish that you also owned 54 ramekins that you could fill up with corn pudding and eat in one day. Or give to 54 friends. If you have 54 friends. Which I don't, because I spend too much time at home, photoshopping ramekins.

And if you're wondering if I actually sat here and counted all those ramekins, then I'm wondering how much time you really think I have. Because seriously, what a waste of time, to sit around counting photoshopped ramekins. The actual act of photoshopping ramekins, however, is meaningful, productive, and satisfying, and that is why I am not ashamed to say that I stay home and photoshop ramekins.

If you're wondering why this corn pudding is so delicious that I could eat 54 ramekins of it, well, the secret is heavy cream. Lots of it. Eek. You probably won't believe it, but I actually winced a little as I poured the cream into the custard. And poured. And poured. And poured. You can substitute half & half for the heavy cream, and it's almost as good. And the advantage of that would be nothing. So go ahead and pick up a quart of heavy cream next time you're at the store, because you WILL be doubling the recipe, because everyone will eat ALL of it, and you WILL want more.

And if you're wondering what other amazing photoshop skills I have, I can tell you that this is the limit of my talent. Duplicating objects and pasting them all over the place is about all I can do. See below.

It's a valuable skill. I think you'll agree. So if you have a little extra time, I could teach you how to do this, or you could just make corn pudding, depending on which skill is more important to you.

Corn Pudding
~Adapted from Emeril Lagasse (Original recipe is confusing; the directions are a little unclear. I also made a few substitutions/changes.)

Ingredients:

4 tablespoons unsalted butter
3/4 cup chopped yellow onions
1 small red pepper, chopped
3 teaspoons minced garlic
4 cups fresh or frozen corn kernels
2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme leaves, or 3/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/8 teaspoon cayenne
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
4 large eggs
2 cups heavy cream (or half & half)
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 cup grated Havarti or cheddar cheese
6 strips bacon, cooked, drained and crumbled
2 tablespoons chopped green onions

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 2-quart baking dish ( or lots of ramekins) and set aside.

In a large saucepan, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Add the onions and pepper and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring, for 30 seconds. Add the corn, thyme, 3/4 teaspoon of the salt, and the cayenne, and cook, stirring, until just tender and starting to turn golden, 4 minutes. Add the flour and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and let cool slightly.

Make the custard. In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, cream, sugar, thyme, remaining 3/4 teaspoon salt, and black pepper until frothy.

Put half of the corn mixture in a food processor with a little of the custard and blend until smooth.

Add the pureed corn and whole corn mixtures and the cheese, crumbled bacon, and green onions and whisk to combine. Pour into the prepared dish and bake until set and a knife inserted into the center comes out clean, 50 minutes to 1 hour. (If using ramekins, watch carefully, as they will cook in about 30-40 minutes.)

Remove from the oven and let rest for 10 minutes before serving.

Mommy & Me: A Trip to the Meat Locker

2011-11-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

Tired of the same old playgrounds day after day? Crowds at the museums got you down? Looking for a new experience that will be fun for you AND your toddler?

Dress him warmly and take him on a trip to Peoria Packing’s Butcher Shop, where heaps and heaps of unpackaged meat are piled in open bins. You get to walk right up to the bins, choose your cut of meat, and put it in a plastic baggie all by yourself! Fun for the whole family!

Just look at that!

The sight of the abundantly pink mounds of flesh may be overwhelming to your child, who has probably not experienced such prolonged exposure to meat. When I went with my 15-month old, it was certainly a challenge to keep his pudgy little hands off of the raw meat as I was bagging it. He was strapped to my chest in a carrier, so I had to hold the bag two feet in front of me so he couldn’t reach the meat. But then his giantbaby head was in the way, and I couldn’t see what I was doing, and I kept missing the opening of the bag. Luckily, everyone else in the open-air meat locker was too excited about MEAT PILED HALFWAY TO THE CEILING to notice the lady who could only get her foot-long oxtails into a plastic baggie by turning in circles and holding her flailing baby’s hands in her mouth. The things we do for our children…

Oxtails. Very difficult to place in a plastic baggie while you are also holding a small human.

Recipe follows.

Why didn’t I put the baby in the shopping cart, you ask? Because this place is so crowded that the shopping carts cause traffic jams, and sometimes you have to leave your cart four aisles away so that you can get to the cut of meat that you’ve spied, and I don’t trust my joyfully carnivorous son in an aisle of meat all by himself. Left to his own devices, he might climb out of the cart and start leaping from one meat-piled cart to another, helping himself to the $.89/lb. drumsticks. DID I JUST SAY $.89/LB. DRUMSTICKS? WHY, YES, I DID.

I could go on and on about the prices at Peoria Packing. Actually, I will go on and on.

Oxtail, $3.99 per pound.

Pork shoulder, $1.69 per pound.

Chicken wings, $1.29 per pound.

NY strip steaks, $4.99 per pound.

Beef strips for fajitas, $3.29 per pound.

Italian Sausage (done on premises), $1.69 per pound.

All in all, I purchased 58.9 pounds of meat for $27.30. Unfortunately, in my excitement about my inexpensive fleshy treasures, I had forgotten that I had parked my car almost three blocks away. Carrying 60 pounds of meat and 20+ pounds of little human is a task that I do not wish upon anyone. But the real tragedy is that I did not get a picture of us. THAT would have been something for the baby book.

Braised Oxtail. Why not? It's only $3.99 per pound.

Spanish-Style Oxtails Braised with Chorizo

Adapted from Gourmet Magazine, January 2003 (epicurious recipe here)

The recipe calls for pieces of oxtail that have been chopped into 2- or 3- inch pieces. If you can find whole oxtail (you can at Peoria Packing!), shred the meat from the bones when the braise is done, and it will make for a more appetizing presentation.

Ingredients:

· 6 lb. meaty oxtails (2 whole oxtails, or 2 oxtails chopped into 2- 3-inch pieces)

· 1 1/2 teaspoons salt

· 1 teaspoon black pepper

· 1 1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

· 3/4 lb mild Spanish chorizo (spicy cured pork sausage) (original recipe says ¼ pound)

· 1 large onion, coarsely chopped

· 4 medium carrots, coarsely chopped

· 4 garlic cloves, chopped

· 1 Turkish or 1/2 California bay leaf

· 1/2 teaspoon sweet or hot Spanish smoked paprika (use smoked if you can find it!)

· 1 cup dry white wine

· 1 (28- to 32-oz) can whole tomatoes in purée, coarsely chopped (including purée) in a food processor

· 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

· 1 tablespoon Sherry vinegar or red-wine vinegar ( I always forget about this step and it’s still been delicious. Let me know how it is if you end up using the vinegar!)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350°F.

· Pat oxtails dry and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Heat oil in a Dutch oven or large pot over moderately high heat until hot but not smoking, then brown oxtails in batches without crowding, turning occasionally, about 5 minutes per batch. Transfer as browned to a bowl. Pour off all but 1 tablespoon fat from pot.

· Remove and discard casing from chorizo. Cook chorizo, onion, carrots, garlic, and bay leaf in fat in pot over moderate heat, stirring occasionally, until onion is softened, 6 to 7 minutes. Add paprika and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Add wine and bring to a boil, stirring and scraping up any brown bits. Add oxtails with any juices accumulated in bowl and chopped tomatoes (liquid should come about halfway up sides of meat) and bring to a boil.

· Cover pot and braise oxtails in lower third of oven, turning once or twice, until very tender, 3 to 3 1/2 hours.

· Optional: remove oxtails from pot let cool, then shred meat from bones. Add back to the stew.

· Skim fat from sauce, then stir in cilantro, vinegar, and salt and pepper to taste.

· Note: Oxtails improve in flavor if braised 2 days ahead (add cilantro and vinegar just before serving).

Better Than Bacon. Yeah, I Went There.

2011-10-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Guess what this is!

Yes, it does look like an octopus, but it's not. Guess again.

Now do you know?

Hmmmmm....what could it be?

Lardo!!!

No, I’m not calling you fat. These are slices of lardo, which is fat taken from the top of a pig’s back and then cured with sea salt, clove, nutmeg, white pepper, black pepper, rosemary, bay leaf, and coriander. Silky and succulent, sliced so thinly that it dissolves on your tongue in seconds, it leaves your mouth coated with an herbal luxuriousness that even bacon cannot rival. If you know any vegetarians, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to feed them this product, since there’s no meat in it whatsoever. Just fat, la la la.

The dude behind the counter explained that his favorite way to serve lardo is to lay an entire slice on a hot piece of toast so it can melt into the bread. I decided that my preferred method is to lay the entire slice right on my tongue and roll it around in my mouth for a bit, all the while savoring how full and wonderfully rich my life is at that particular moment, and how there is no place in the world I’d rather be than standing in front of the fridge, hiding from my children, and sucking on pieces on fatback from an acorn-fed Iberico pig imported from Spain.

Bonus: You don’t need chapstick or moisturizer for at least a week.

And if you can spare some extra, it’s a good treat for getting babies to do tricks:

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you where you can purchase this fine substance. We picked ours up at Panozzo’s Italian Market in the South Loop. You can also order it directly from La Quercia, a company in Iowa that produces award-winning artisan salumi. My Christmas present to myself is going to be a tub (or three) of Iowa White Spread from La Quercia, which is basically lardo that is whipped up and smooshed into a tub. Personally, I think 'Meat Butter' has a better ring to it than 'Iowa White Spread.' Well, almost everything has a better ring to it than 'Iowa White Spread.' Then again, the more I say 'Iowa White Spread' to myself, the more catchy it becomes.
I can't wait for my Iowa White Spread. Luckily I have lardo to hold me up in the meantime! Phew.

Homemade Naan. Yuum.

2011-09-22T12:57:00.001-07:00

I build a shrine to You, oh Glorious Cookbook. Unto thy radiant splendor I shall bow, reveling in thy gracious promise of a bread that does not need to rise overnight, whose dough can be kept in the fridge for 10 days, and whose need to be kneaded is nonexistent.

‘Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day’ by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoë François.

So that you will continue to grant my family with loaf upon loaf of delicious breads, I swear to sacrifice to you all that I am able, Oh Magnificent One. Please specify that which you would have me surrender unto thee.

My children? Oh Cookbook, my love for them abounds too greatly for me to relinquish them to thee. Please forgive me. Instead, I grant thee several hours of innocent and youthful toil. Up three flights of stairs, my dutiful children shall carry pound upon pound of flour, faces aglow in hopes that they will soon blissfully nibble the crumbs of your offerings.

My wardrobe? I have anticipated your needs, my Beloved Cookbook. The Ides of September have barely passed, yet the cool autumnal breezes have transformed my kitchen into a small-scale bakery. Your pages beckon me with promises of warm bread, crusty on the outside and chewy in the middle. Already my clothes are one size larger than they were but one fortnight past. Hence, my wardrobe is thine.

My wallet? But sir, surely you understand that my monies are all but depleted, due to the delightfully excessive amounts of flour that your recipes have required. In addition, I have upgraded to King Arther Flour, if only to bring out the grandeur of your baked grains. I have not been disappointed by the quality of the new and expensive flour. You are so totally worth the extra two-bucks-per five-pound-bag.

Oh Magnificent One, now that I have succumbed to your desires, please grant me permission to spread your Word. Allow me to sing the highest praises of the most recent recipe that your pages have imparted to me: naan. Also, please allow me to stop kissing your ass and close my Thesaurus window so that I can stop coming up with fancy words to describe you and your breads.

Thanks dude. And thanks for the naan. It's phenomenal.

Naan, a traditional flatbread of India and other South Asian countries.

Naan

~from ‘Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day’ by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoë François.

For the dough: (This is the basic “Boule” recipe for many of the breads in the Magnificent Cookbook. I also used it to make Sticky Pecan Caramel Rolls, and the fresh loaves of bread mentioned in the Meat Butter post.)

Makes four 1-pound loaves. The recipes is easily doubled or halved, and you can keep the unused portions of dough in your fridge for up to 10 days. (Note- The authors explain things in much greater detail than I have provided. You should just get it.)

3 cups lukewarm water

1 ½ tablespoons granulated yeast (2 yeast packets)

1 ½ tablespoons kosher or other course salt

6 ½ cups unsifted, unbleached, all-purpose white flour

1. Warm the water to just slightly wamer than body temperature.

2. Add yeast and salt to the water. Don’t worry about dissolving it completely.

3. Mix in the flour using a wooden spoon or a stand mixer fitted with the hook attachment. Kneading is unnecessary. You’re done when everything is uniformly moist, without dry patches.

4. Allow to rise. Cover with a lid (not airtight). Allow the mixture to rise at room temperature until it begins to collapse (or at least flattens on the top), approximately 2 hours. Longer times, up to 5 hours, will not harm the result. You can use a portion of the dough anytime after this period.

For the Naan:

¼ pound (peach-size portion) of dough

1 tablespoon ghee or any neutral-flavored oil (I used olive oil)

Butter for brushing on loaf if ghee is unavailable

1. Dust the surface of the refrigerated dough with flour and cut off a ¼ pound (peach-size) piece. Dust the piece with more flour and quickly shape it into a ball by stretching the surface of the dough around to the bottom on all four sides, rotating the ball a quarter-turn as you go. Using your hands and a rolling pin, and minimal flour, roll out to a uniform thickness of 1/8 inch thick throughout and to a diameter of 8 to 9 inches.

2. Heat a heavy 12-inch nonstick or cast-iron skillet over high heat on the stovetop. When water droplets flicked into the pan skitter across the surface and evaporate quickly, the pan is ready. Add the ghee or the oil, pouring out excess fat if necessary.

3. Drop the rolled dough round into the skillet, decrease the heat to medium, and cover the skillet to trap the steam and heat.

4. Check for doneness with a spatula at about 3 minutes, or sooner if you’re smelling overly quick browning. Adjust the heat as needed. Flip the naan when the underside is richly browned.

5. Continue cooking another 2 to 6 minutes, or until the naan feels firm, even at the edges, and the second side is browned. If you’ve rolled a thicker naan, or if you’re using dough with whole grains, you’ll need more pan time.

6. Remove the naan from the pan, brush with butter if the dough was cooked in oil, and serve. (I made a raita dip to put on the naan, and then I gorged myself on pounds and pounds of naan and raita, and then I became too full to breathe, and I will be repeating that process as soon as possible.)

You don't even have to turn on your oven!

Child Labor Day Cake

2011-09-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I decided to celebrate Labor Day by making my three-year-old daughter labor for me. I informed her that she would be baking me an eight-layer chocolate cake with raspberry filling and vanilla buttercream frosting, and then we would be even, for everything.

Of course I helped her, what kind of mother do you think I am? It was a delightful joint effort that I hope she remembers for all of her sweet days on this beautiful earth or at least for a month.

Oh, what fun we had! I made her do all the stuff I hate.

Like buttering the cake pans. How I dearly despise buttering cake pans. Don’t ever tell my kids this, but my #1 reason for having children was to be able to someday delegate that loathsome chore. My friends, that day as arrived. I cannot describe the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders now that one of my children can complete this slimy and horrid task. It makes everything TOTALLY worth it, even the ring of fire. If you don’t know what that is, don’t google it. It will be awkward for you when next we meet.

“Alice, will you please butter and flour the cake pans for me?”

“Why, Mom?”

“Because I made you. Please just do it.”

Notice that I said please. Because I am nice.

“Oh, and also, can you cut this pound of butter up and add it to the meringue?”

“Sure, Mom. I love you. You’re the best. Thanks for letting me touch butter with my bare hands.”

“No problem, kiddo. You owe me big time, though."

Look how slimy her fingers are! EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!

cute

"And if you're nice to your little brother while the cakes are baking, I'll let you frost the cake, too!"

"How am I EVER going to get these cakes frosted?"

And this is the part where you probably expect me to post the recipe.

Ok. I am lazy. Obviously. I make my kid bake cakes for me instead of baking them myself. Therefore, I’m not going to type out the somewhat-involved recipes for the cake and the buttercream. If you want the recipes, please leave a comment, and I’ll figure out a way to get them to you. Alternatively, you can wait a few years until Alice learns to type and then I’ll command her to type those beasts out and email it to you.

Here are the components:

Cake: “Old-Fashioned Chocolate Layer Cake” from America’s Test Kitchen’s The New Best Recipe

Filling: Smucker’s Raspberry jelly, or any jelly that doesn’t have lumps.

Frosting: “Vanilla Buttercream Frosting” from Gourmet Today by Ruth Reichl

General directions: Bake the cake, doubling the recipe. I know. I’m crazy. Cut each of the four cakes in half so you have eight layers. (Don’t let your three-year-old do that.)

Put your first layer on the cake plate. Cover it with frosting. Spread raspberry jam on a different layer, then turn that layer upside down and place it on the first layer, so the raspberry layer is touching the buttercream layer. Repeat. Repeat many, many times, until all eight layers are stacked. It is your choice whether to frost the sides of the cake or leave the glorious bounty of the eight layers visible for all to see.

And of course, make someone else do the dishes. You deserve it.

Birthday Barbecue Sauce

2011-08-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to Me!

I will not bake my own birthday cake.

I will not cook my own birthday dinner.

But I WILL make my own birthday barbecue sauce.

Yesterday, on the eve of my birthday, I had some friends over for dinner, but IT WAS NOT MY BIRTHDAY DINNER. Who cooks dinner for their own friends for their own birthday? Losers, that’s who. Losers that nobody loves. So, I repeat, this was NOT my birthday dinner.

Ok, back to the homemade barbecue sauce. Something you may or may not know about me is that when a particular food is exceptionally delicious, I like to rub it all over my face. As it turns out, I’m not the only one who has this tendency when it comes to an exceptional sauce. Observe these dinner guests at my non-birthday dinner.

Please note that dinner has mostly been cleared off the table. And sauce is STILL on faces. THAT'S how good it is. You think this picture was posed? Ha. Do you actually think people would willingly smear BBQ sauce on their faces and agree to have their pictures taken and posted on the internet?

Exactly.

So, no, the above picture was not posed, and yes, this sauce is spectacular, and no, you should not leave it on your face for extended periods of time, and yes, you should make it as soon as humanly possible, and no, you should never buy BBQ sauce at the store ever again, and yes, actually, this picture was posed. But it just goes to show the lengths that people will go to prove the worthiness of this sauce!

Aside from slurping this sauce by the spoonful, I enjoy it on pulled pork, grilled chicken, and anything else you would slather barbecue sauce on. Making it from scratch is really not that difficult or time-consuming. You should try it! Make a huge batch and freeze it in different-sized containers. Consider freezing it in ice cube trays so that you don’t have to thaw the whole batch if you need just a dollop for a hamburger. Or if you need to satisfy your craving for a barbecue-sauce popsicle.

Homemade Barbecue Sauce:

~adapted from Emeril Lagasse

Ingredients

4 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 1/2 cups finely chopped onions

6 cloves garlic, finely chopped

2 1/2 teaspoons paprika (if you have smoked paprika, use a mixture of smoked and sweet)

1 ½ teaspoon Kosher salt

½ teaspoon black pepper

½ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon onion powder

½ teaspoon dried oregano

½ teaspoon dried thyme

1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper

¼ easpoon cayenne pepper (optional)

2 teaspoons dry mustard

1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste

1 1/2 cups water

3/4 cup cider vinegar

1 tablespoon molasses

5 tablespoons dark brown sugar

2 tablespoons ground coffee or instant espresso

Directions

In a medium non-reactive saucepan set over medium-high heat, add the butter and, when melted, add the onions and cook until they are very soft, about 4 minutes. Add the garlic and all of the spices and cook for 2 minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook, stirring frequently, for 2 minutes, or until the tomato paste begins to brown. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to combine. Reduce the heat to low and cook until the sauce has thickened and the flavors have come together, about 15 to 20 minutes.

Makes about 3 cups of sauce. Remember that you can freeze it!

yummmmmmmmmmmmmy

Play With Your Food

2011-04-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Amy Sedaris beats me to everything.
Once, I had this great idea to cover myself with cake frosting and then roll around in sprinkles, but I procrastinated for too long and she did exactly that and then put a photo of it on the inside of her dust cover jacket thingee.
Disgruntled, I then decided to go savory and to roast hot dogs on a rake so I could cook 12 hot dogs at a time, but I didn’t own a rake, so I didn’t do it, and then she did. Curses, foiled again!
I was depressed for a few months about it, but then got over it when I was inspired to put googly eyes on my food and take pictures of it. Wondering if this could be a viable niche for my path to stardom, I went through Fancy Toast posts from previous years and photoshopped googly eyes on old photos, because sure, I have that kind of time.

Hot Doug's; November 2006

Salsa Verde; March 2007

Fancy Macaroni; January 2007

I was so thrilled with my idea that I began the process of converting Fancy Toast into a blog solely devoted to putting photos of googly eyes on food. I mean, who does that?

No really, who does that? I was curious. So I looked it up. And guess who does that. You-know-who. In 2004 she had hosted a Flickr contest in which she invited people from all over the world to put googly eyes on their food and submit pictures.

Hate her!
Why didn’t she invite me? When I think about how many kindred spirits I missed out on connecting with because I was too unaware in 2004 to be creating real art, I just get sick about it.
So I wrote a hate letter to Amy Sedaris, but before I sent it, I asked my husband to check it for typos, seeing as Amy Sedaris and I share a mutual hatred for typos. I just made that up. After he read it, he didn’t tell me NOT to send the letter, because that’s the kind of husband he is, but he did tell me that it doesn’t matter if someone else has already done the googly-eye-on-food-thing, because it’s still funny.

What a sweetheart he is. I started thinking about how much I love that man, but then after 3 seconds I had had enough of that and moved on to (or reverted back to) thinking about how funny the googly-eye-on-food-thing is, even if it’s been done before. Let’s face it. The funniness factor of some things never ever wears out. Like mustaches, and also, knock-knock jokes.
(Knock Knock.
--Who’s there?
I eat map.)

Luckily, the human being that I happened to create a few years ago ALSO thinks googly eyes are hilarious when you put them on inanimate objects, so instead of this activity being a ridiculous hobby with which a grown woman is amusing herself, instead of contributing to the good of humankind, it has evolved into a joyous ritual that I can share with my child, one that will provide her with a childhood filled with memories of laughter and delight. As these mirthful experiences shape her personality, and as she reaches adulthood and is able to contribute to the good of humankind with her humorous graces developed from our mutual googly eye silliness, I will live vicariously through her goodwill as I continue to stick googly eyes on food and other objects, laugh uncontrollably, and text the pictures to my husband, who will have blocked my texts years before but will never tell me because he will know how much joy it gives me to text him pictures of googly eyes on things. Like this one of Shel Silverstein. It almost makes him look a little less creepy, right?

But don’t worry. If your offspring doesn’t think googly eyes are funny, that’s cool. You can still stick googly eyes on your kid when he’s not looking and take pictures of him and post them on the internet for everyone to laugh at. Or not.

(My husband wouldn’t let me post the one where I also drew a nose and a mouth.
That’s the kind of husband and father he is.
If you really want to see it you just let me know.)

But do you know what the best part of all this is? Amy Sedaris can’t beat me to sticking googly eyes on her kids, because she doesn’t have any kids, because she’s too busy stealing my great ideas.

But if Amy Sedaris wanted to come over to my house and put googly eyes on my food or my kids, I would let her, because I love her.

Sour Cream Banana Cake
(I realized I haven’t said anything in my post about this cake. Um. Make it, it’s real good. Or make your own recipe for banana cake, which you’ll probably do anyway, and stick googly eyes on it to make people laugh. Or to make just yourself laugh.)
(Also I realized I don’t know who created this recipe. I got it from my friend Melissa who got it from someone. But you should still make it. Like I said, it’s real good.)

Ingredients:
2 cups flour
1tsp. baking powder
1tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cinnamon (original recipe says 1/4 tsp. but what’s the point of that)
pinch of freshly grated nutmeg (this is not in the original recipe so you can leave it out)

1 stick butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
5 ripe bananas
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tsp. vanilla

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Sift or stir the dry ingredients in a bowl.
Blend butter and sugar in a food processor or stand mixer.
Add eggs, banana, sour cream and vanilla, and mix.
Add the dry ingredients.
Pour into a greased bundt cake pan.
Bake for 40 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean ( my cake took at least 50 minutes but my bananas were frozen then thawed and therefore very liquidy).

Sprinkle with powdered sugar, or a mixture of sugar and butter.
Decorate with googly eyes, or not.

Sunday Morning Tummyache

2011-03-28T19:30:00.000-07:00

Sticky Pecan Caramel Rolls

Did you know that there is a recipe for magic bread dough that allows you to store the dough in the fridge for up to two weeks, giving you the opportunity to bake fresh bread at a moment’s notice?
Did you also know that you don’t have to knead this bread dough?
And did you know that this morning I decided to stay home from work because I woke up with the the urge to eat sticky pecan caramel rolls as soon as possible?
And did you know that I spontaneously whipped up that pan of sticky pecan caramel rolls in twenty minutes (not counting rising time), because I already had some magic dough stored in my fridge?
If you already know all of the above facts, I imagine you must be magic yourself. And then you probably already know about the huge tummyache that I got from eating half of the pan.
Bummer.
But having a tummyache on a sunny Sunday morning at home is still better than being at work.

The same roll, upside down. Or is it right-side up? It doesn't matter, just eat it.

I should stop complaining about about my tummyache and start telling you about this magic recipe. It comes from the book ‘Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day’ by Jeff Hertzberg and Zoë François. The title is ALMOST true; it’s not really 5 minutes a day, because they are only counting the handling time, not the rising and baking time, but it’s close enough for me.

The premise of the book is that you can mix up a huge batch of bread dough with a spoon or a stand mixer (easy), put it in a container without kneading (easy), put it in your fridge (easy, as long as your fridge has room), and anytime during the next 14 days that you need a loaf of bread, you just saw off a hunk, shape it into a loaf (no kneading = easy), and bake it in the oven (easy). The authors demonstrate their technique in a short video, here.

The bread isn’t just easy. It’s good. Really good. Not as good as the bread at Medici, our neighborhood bakery, but better than the bread at our local hoity-toity grocery store, which claims to be ‘America’s Most European Grocery Supermarket.’ That’s a fine middle ground for me, considering I don’t really have room in my little Ikea kitchen for a huge brick oven that can reach 20,000 degrees.

There is a master bread recipe from which you can make several different shapes of loaves. Ahem, or sticky pecan caramel rolls. Yes. Please. But there are almost 100 other doughs to choose from as well. A few that I hope to bake soon are Roasted Garlic Potato Bread, Spinach Feta Bread, Vermont Cheddar Bread, Oatmeal Pumpkin Bread, and a traditional Challah. Oh man I can’t WAIT. I’m so excited that I have already started emptying my closet of all the clothes that won’t fit me anymore after I make a habit of eating this bread on a regular basis. But I won’t care because I’ll be shopping for a new wardrobe with one hand and shoving bread (or pecan rolls) in my mouth with the other hand. And if you follow my trail of crumbs and find me, I’ll tear off a chunk for you, too.

Get the book and start baking!

Lidia Oh Lidia

2011-03-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

"Oh no. OH no. Please don't squish me.
I do not want to be pasta today."

"Noooooooo! You can't make me do this!
I'm too young to go! It's not my time!
If you spare me just this once, I'll do your laundry for a year!"

"Crap."

No, I did not spare his life. Call me cruel, but I don’t see how a squished noodle without arms or legs could do my laundry. He put up a good fight, but in the end, his destiny was to be my dinner: lasagna with fresh spinach noodles and a Ragù alla Bolognese.
His was a noble cause. Who wouldn’t want to be flattened into a beautiful sheet of pasta, smothered with a four-hour meat sauce, sprinkled with mountains of various cheeses and baked in the oven until bubbly and crispy? You would.

That pasta, it sure was pretty. Smooth and silky, cool to the touch. A lovely pale green, flecked with tiny grains of spinach. And the smell...mmmmmm.....earthy and floury, with hints of egg and olive oil. I wanted to rub it all over my face. But I didn’t. Yes I did. No I didn’t.

After I got over the fact that I had made fresh spinach pasta with my own bare hands, and had called almost every single person I know to tell them the good news, I got to work making Lidia Bastianich's Pasticciata Bolognese, filling a baking dish with layers of pasta, Lidia’s Ragù, a besciamella (white cream sauce), and mozzarella and parmesan cheeses.
My oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my oh my.
I'm thinking that maybe you should be nicer to me next time you see me so that I might someday invite you over to my house to eat this. Also, I wish that Lidia Bastianich was my third grandmother.

So yeah, I made a fancy lasagna, basically. A heaven-sent fancy lasagna that was a LOT of work but a lot of fun and a LOT of tasty. But you could do anything with this spinach pasta. I'm thinking next time, if I don't have the time to make the accompanying four-hour meat sauce that accompanies this recipe, I'll just cut the pasta into noodles and serve it with sun-dried tomatoes, crispily browned garlic slices, and maybe feta cheese. Won't that be purty?
Any other suggestions?
Besides clothing your baby in it?

Spinach Pasta Dough
~ adapted from Lidia’s Family Table by Lidia Maticchio Bastianich

Ingredients:
One 10 ounce box frozen chopped spinach, thawed
2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for kneading and rolling
2 large whole eggs
2 egg yolks
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

Directions:
Squeeze the spinach by handfuls to press out as much liquid as possible. When you think you’ve squeezed it enough, squeeze it again, by handfuls, using all your might. The drier the spinach, the better the pasta.

Crumble the spinach into the food processor bowl and purée it thoroughly, scraping it off the sides. With the spinach and the blade in place, add the flour and pulse to blend with the spinach, scraping as necessary.

Whisk together the whole eggs, yolks and oil in a bowl. With the food processor running, pour in the liquid ingredients on top of the green flour. Process for about 30 seconds, scrape down the work bowl, and scrape in all the egg residue too. Process another 20 to 30 seconds, until the dough has started to come together and a a ball on the blade.
Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead briefly, until it’s smooth. Wrap well in plastic wrap, and let rest at 30 minutes at room temperature before rolling. Store for 2 days in the refrigerator, or for 3 months in the freezer.

Remove googly eyes before cooking.

Makes enough for one delicious pan of Lidia Bastianich’s Pasticciata Bolognese

Panade Me?

2011-03-02T10:10:00.001-08:00

Child.
How dare you turn up your nose at this dinner that I so lovingly created for our family?

Oh, I get it. You’re mad at me because when you asked for a snack today, I tossed some stale bread cubes at you and told you to go play in your room so I could concentrate on my iphone Words with Friends game.

Oblivious to your silent sobs, so wrapped up in figuring out how to get more points from a J, a Q, and 5 I’s, I barely noticed how you gathered up the scattered cubes in your chubby little hands and attempted to gnaw on them. I barely noticed how you walked over to the computer, typed in a search for ‘day old bread dinner’ and printed out a brilliant recipe by the Wednesday Chef. Not until I heard a little sniffle and was waving away the tear-stained printout that was blocking the view of my beloved electronic gadget did I hear you patiently saying, “Mom. Instead of ignoring your children and immersing yourself in a silly online game that you think increases your verbal intelligence but really is just a big timesuck, why don’t you turn these nasty hard bread cubes into something more palatable that the whole family can enjoy?”

Panade: Crusty bread cubes splendidly saturated with chicken stock and layered with chard, onions, and Gruyère.

OK none of the above is true. Because you are three years old and you don’t know what ‘palatable’ means. And while I do occasionally ~~neglect you~~ give you some alone time so that I can immerse myself in the glorious land of the Internet, it’s usually not for more than 3.5 minutes at one time. And I don’t feed you stale bread, UNLESS I have baked it myself AND it’s been soaking in homemade chicken stock AND layered with almost-caramelized onions, some sautéed chard, and a few handfuls of Gruyère. AND baked for 2+ hours in Le Creuset bakeware until it becomes a savory party in your mouth. It is called a panade. Just so you know. So stick your tongue back in your mouth, kiddo, and show me how delighted you are really are for this truly lovely dinner.

Thats’ better.

Readers, please see what Luisa, the Wednesday Chef, has to say about Zuni Cafe's chard and onion panade. She is more eloquent than I am, so I will not even attempt to describe the taste or the texture of this divine food. I'll leave it to her. So. Read her post, make the panade, and see for yourself!

Fancy Toast Personality Quiz (Sort Of)

2011-02-20T08:22:00.000-08:00

Cassoulet on A Slice of Bread

There are two types of people in this world, and you can tell who is who by what they do with the fat that rises to the surface of a cooled stew on its second day.

The first type of person peers inside the pot and says, “Ew.” She then takes a slotted spoon, scoops off the fat, and discards it.
The second type of person shrugs and says, “Yum.” He heats up the stew and stirs the fat right back in.

Oh, and there is actually is a third type of person. The type who opens the lid of the pot, jumps for joy and exclaims, “MEAT BUTTER!”
She proceeds to grab a hunk of bread, slather it with meat butter, and happily devour it, smearing enough of the fatty goodness on her mouth and lips that she doesn’t need to use chapstick for the rest of the month.

Well, I suppose there is a fourth type of person, who makes a lean, healthy stew that doesn’t really have any fat.
And maybe there’s a fifth type of person who doesn’t ever make stew.

So that narrows it down. There are five types of people in the world, and all of the people on our beautiful planet can be categorized according to their feelings about fat upon the surface of a cold stew. Which one are you?

I am the third one. The gross one. Yes, I ate fat and I liked it. No, not fat...meat butter. And it was delicious. And if you came to my house, and I handed you a slice of home-baked bread with a lovely sienna-colored spread on it, and said, “Welcome. I made you a delicious meat butter,” I bet you would eat it and like it too, because you wouldn’t want me to cry. Even if you thought it was gross. But you wouldn’t think it was gross, because you wouldn't know what it was until after you had eaten it and proclaimed your love for meat butter and also, your friend, me.

Meat Butter (with beans). Doesn't it look good?

Recipe for Meat Butter on Bread
Here is the part where I usually post the recipe. But I’m not going to, because the recipe for the pictured cassoulet is pages and pages long, and honestly, if you’re going to make a cassoulet, you’re probably not going to take the recipe from a food blog that has had about 3 posts in as many years.
So.
Make a stew with at least one type of fatty meat. In this case, I used bacon, pork shoulder and chicken thighs.
Put stew in refrigerator overnight until fat rises to the surface and hardens.
Bake or buy a loaf of bread.
Smear meat butter (along with some stew) on a slice of bread.
Offer to a friend.

Getting Greens Into Her Diet.

2009-08-27T12:31:00.001-07:00

Greens?

That looks like ice cream to me.

But it’s GREEN ice cream.

Basil ice cream!

That counts as a vegetable serving, right?

Yes it does, shut up. And make it. And then feed it to your toddler who won’t eat her vegetables.

(Even if you don’t count basil ice cream as a vegetable serving, you should still make it, because David Lebovitz made it and he is an ice cream genius and this ice cream is delicious. Come on, if a toddler will eat it, you know it has to be good. OK, so maybe this toddler eats ants off the floor, perhaps disqualifying her from becoming the next Gael Greene protégée, but who knows, some people think ants are delicacies, and maybe David Lebovitz should figure out a way to make ice cream out of them so I can feed it to my toddler and she can get a little more protein along with her greens.)

Basil Ice Cream

From The Perfect Scoop, by David Lebovitz

1 cup packed basil leaves
3/4 cup sugar
2 heavy cream
1 cup whole milk
Pinch of salt
5 large egg yolks
1 lemon, preferably organic

Using a food processor or blender, grind the basil leaves, sugar, and one cup of the cream until the leaves are ground as finely as possible. Pour half of the mixture into a large bowl and add the remaining cup of cream. Place a fine-mesh sieve on top of the bowl.

Warm the milk, salt and the rest of the basil mixture in a medium saucepan. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg yolks. Slowly pour the warmed basil mixture into the eggs, whisking continuously. Then scrape the combined egg and basil mixture back into the saucepan.

Stir the mixture constantly over medium heat with a heatproof spatula, scraping the bottom as you stir, until the mixture thickens into a custard and coats the back of the spatula. Pour the custard through the sieve and stir it into the cream. Zest the lemon directly into the custard, and stir the custard over an ice bath until cool.

Chill the mixture in the refrigerator (this usually takes a few hours), then freeze according to your ice maker’s instructions.

Alice Sucks at Jenga

2009-03-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

Just a little glimpse into what Alice and I are doing these days when we're stuck inside the house waiting for springtime...

Baby Got Crabs

2008-09-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

No, not every post from here on out is going to be a ridiculous picture of my infant participating in a questionable epicurean activity.

But most of them will be.

Just kidding...I suppose Fancy Toast will eventually get back to being a food blog.

Unless you don’t want it to.

In any case, I made some crab cakes the other day, and who really cares about that, not me and probably not you, but what I DO care about and what you SHOULD care about is the aioli dipping sauce, which I would eat by spoonfuls IF I had some left and IF it wasn’t mostly mayonnaise.

Saffron-Orange Aioli Dipping Sauce

I found the recipe on Epicurious earlier this spring when I was looking for a way to fancy up some grilled asparagus. Afterwards, we had so much aioli left over that we started putting it on salads, potatoes, and everything that could be enhanced by a drizzle of flavorful liquid fat. For the crab cakes, I added orange juice and grated orange zest to give the aioli a little more zang-a-lang.

You may or may not be delighted to know that this is really a fake aioli because you are using store-bought mayonnaise instead of whisking eggs and olive oil together yourself. But honestly, how many of you have actually made a successful aioli from scratch? If you have, please to send me the recipe so that I may try again?

Deliciously Fake Saffron-Orange Aioli
From Epicurious.com, adapted by Fancy Toast
1/8 cup red wine vinegar
1/8 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon honey
Large pinch of saffron threads
1 cup mayonnaise
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon grated orange zest

Whisk vinegar, orange juice, honey, and saffron threads in heavy small saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to boil. Remove from heat. Cool completely.
Alternatively and more easily, heat in a microwave.

Mix mayonnaise, garlic, and orange zest in medium bowl to blend. Mix in cooled vinegar mixture. Season aioli to taste with salt and pepper.

Drizzle over crab cakes, grilled vegetables, salads, napping babies, etc.

Suck it, Anne Geddes.

2008-08-12T22:00:00.001-07:00

OK so here’s Alice! I’m so sorry it took me so long to get a post up. I had planned to announce her birth right away by posting a photo of her giggling in the Dutch oven, all Anne Geddes style.

Well you may or may not know that two-week old babies don’t giggle, and they don’t like being put in pots, even when you promise them a big slab of ribs afterwards.

So that first photo shoot failed miserably, and had I posted photos of a wretched newborn punching herself in the face with fists clenched in sheer terror and betrayal, I would have gotten more hate mail from that one post than the Tyler Florence post and the parrot-eating post combined. And no one is emotionally stable enough to get hate mail for their baby’s birth announcement, so I put that project on hold until she seemed old enough to enjoy sitting in a soup pot, and also old enough to understand me when I told her if she was good, she would get a beer with her ribs.

Pregnant Lady’s Still Gotta Get Her Booze On

2007-08-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

Well if I can’t drink anymore, I’m going to have to supplement my daily alcoholic beverage(s) with something just as delicious…

Hmmmmm….after much thought, I still have not discovered an adequate replacement for the libations that once brought so much joy into my life. I guess my only option is to add alcohol to my cooking instead of consuming it in liquid form.

This grilled pork with apricot-brandy glaze (recipe below) does just the trick. The small amount of hooch in the glaze is still enough to keep hair on my chest, but not enough to cause the little Nugget to be born with the IQ of a toad.

For those like me who are also suffering from an insufficient alcoholic intake, may I suggest some additional substitutions:
Beer can chicken (beer turns into steam; steam keeps chicken moist while grilling)
Tiramisu (just a wee bit of rum in the syrup!)
Beer sponge baths (no explanation needed)

By the way, I apologize for the long break in Fancy Toast posts. I soon hope to be posting more regularly! The constant nausea of the first trimester has passed, and I can finally look at photographs of food and be hungry instead of queasy. Now when I want to feel queasy I just look at photographs of myself in seventh grade when my perm was halfway growed-out and the top half of my hair was straight and the bottom half of my hair was a holy mess of floppy squiggles.

Pork Chops with Apricot-Brandy Glaze
~ adapted from Grilling by Chuck Williams and Denis Kelly

This is my standby grilled pork recipe. Delicious. Never fails to yield juicy, slightly spicy pork chops with the perfect amount of sweetness from the caramelized glaze.

Ingredients:
8 pork chops, at least 1-inch thick (I prefer bone-in for the juiciness)

Spice Rub:
1 tablespoon sweet paprika (I used a combination of sweet and smoked)
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried thyme
1.5 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground pepper

For the apricot-brandy glaze:
½ cup apricot jam
2 tablespoons brandy or apricot brandy
1 tablespoon dry mustard
juice of 1 lemon

Directions:
Mix all ingredients of spice rub together in a bowl.
Rub generously on both sides of each pork chop.

To make the glaze, heat the jam in a small saucepan over low heat. Stir in the brandy, mustard, and lemon juice. Remove from heat and set aside. When ready to use, reheat while whisking contantly.

Grill the pork chops over medium-high heat, turning once, about 3-4 minutes per side. Move the chops to an unheated part of the grill and brush the glaze onto both sides. Cover the grill and cook for 2-4 minutes. Pork chops should be just faintly pink inside. Try your hardest not to overcook them, as they become dry in just a few too many seconds over the coals. (My husband never grills without his trusty digital thermometer. He lets the pork chops come to 150 degrees Fahrenheit and then he lets them rest for a few minutes under tin foil.)

Death by Granola Bar (Potentially)

2007-06-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

While driving to work, hunger strikes.
What should I eat?
Oh yes….there is a homemade granola bar in my lunchbag.
I can totally reach my lunchbag, which is in the backseat.
I lied.
I can’t reach it.
Stretch…..stretch a little further….was that a red light I just ran?
Ah, now I have the lunchbag.
Oh no, the zipper is stuck.
Need both hands.
Look, a curve in the road ahead. This will work out rather well, considering my car’s alignment is off and we will naturally follow the road if I remove my hands from the wheel.
Take hands off wheel, fix zipper, oh no, curve is curvier than I expected.
Wheeeeeeeeee, hey, now I’m in the other lane, surprise! Good thing there weren’t any cars next to me, and now I have my granola bar and I am happy and not dead and not hungry.

Homemade Granola Bars
My new favorite snack (besides eating store-bought icing from the tub). Every bite tastes delightfully different, depending on the particular combination of the various little goodies in each piece.
This is a huge double batch, so it makes enough for two people to have at least one granola bar every day for two weeks. (I suppose I could have done the math for you but then if I was wrong you would get mad at me because your recipe didn’t make enough granola bars but this way I can just say oh you must have eaten them too fast you are such a pig)

Ingredients:
3 cups rolled oats (old-fashioned or instant)
1 ½ cups pecans, chopped
¼ cup flax seeds
½ cup sesame seeds

2 generous cups puffed brown rice cereal
2 cups dried fruit, chopped (I used apricots, cranberries, cherries and raisins)

1 cup honey or brown rice syrup
1 teaspoon salt
¼ cup pomegranate molasses or 2 tablespoons butter (optional)
¼ cup brown sugar (optional)
2 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:
Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Spread first 4 ingredients on 2 baking pans and toast for about 15 minutes, or until you can smell the aromas from the toasted nuts.
When oat mixture is toasted, mix in the fruits and the rice cereal.

Meanwhile, heat the honey (or brown rice syrup), salt, sugar (if using), molasses (if using), and butter (if using) in a small saucepan over medium-low heat until ingredients are well combined. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.

Add the mixture to the oats and mix well.

Spread the mixture evenly into 2 greased/buttered pans. How thick? Your choice.
Press firmly so that everything sticks together.
Bake for about 20 minutes, until the granola turns golden.

When you take the granola out of the oven, only let it cool a little bit before you slice into bars. Wait until the bars are completely cool before you remove them from the pan.

Wrap each bar individually in plastic wrap and store in an airtight container. Mine have lasted 2 weeks, so yours might last longer if you don’t eat them all first.

My Plans for Sainthoood

2007-05-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Coconut-Braised Short Ribs and Sweet Potatoes

I think I chose the wrong career. I should have gone into sainthood.
The reason being is that I have developed a marketing strategy that is going to help my friends who are smokers live longer: Package every pack of cigarettes with a sweet potato. Everyone who buys a pack of smokes gets a free sweet potato!

Why? Smoking (or inhaling second-hand smoke) depletes the body of vitamin A. Low levels of vitamin A are linked to emphysema of the lungs and several types of cancer, including that of the lung and heart. Sweet potatoes are high in beta carotene, which the liver converts to vitamin A. So if you breathe in a lot of smoke, your lungs will be in better shape if you can replenish your body with copious vitamin A. Read more if you don’t believe me.

As if this ~~superhuman~~ super-vegetable quality wasn’t enough, the sweet potato also is also a good source of copper, dietary fiber, vitamin B6, potassium, and iron, and an even better source of vitamin C and manganese.

Are you ready for more?
The beta carotenes in sweet potatoes make these root vegetables a high souce of antioxidants, which boost the immune system.

Should I keep going?
A food containing anti-inflammatory nutrients, sweet potatoes are also very healthy for those with asthma and rheumatoid arthritis.

Wait! There’s more!
It hasn’t been proven yet, but there are studies being done that are exploring the effects of sweet potato on people with diabetes. It is hypothesized that sweet potatoes help stabilize blood sugar levels and lower insulin resistance.

Enabling my smoker friends (as well as smokers around the world) to live longer is Plan A for reaching sainthood status. If it doesn’t work, fear not, I have a back-up plan:

I will write a catchy, rhyming song to promote the new packaged deal. The melody will ring through the ears of the nation, and everyone will want to sing along, and then the whole country will be singing the same song all at once and it will be so inspiring that all my smoker friends will want to live longer so that they can keep singing the song forever and ever, so then they will all quit smoking and proclaim me a saint. I also hope that they will all give me a percentage of what they would have spent on cigarettes for the rest of their lives, and then I will be a rich saint, because those are the best kind.

Coconut-Braised Short Ribs and Sweet Potatoes
(because beef is better for you than smoking)
~a Fancy Toast original recipe

Ingredients:
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
2 lb. short ribs, bone-in
1 large onion, chopped coarsely
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 tablespoons ginger, chopped or grated
1 stick lemongrass, cut lengthwise and smashed with the end of a knife
1 tablespoon crushed red pepper flakes

2 15 oz. cans coconut milk (you can use low-fat if you like)
1/2 cup orange juice
2 cups chicken broth
1 handful cilantro stems, bundled together in cheesecloth or in a teaball

3 sweet potatoes, cut into 1” cubes
1 handful of cilantro leaves

salt and pepper

Directions:
Preheat oven to 300 degrees Farenheit.

Pat the short ribs dry with a paper towel. Rub salt and pepper into all sides of the meat.
In a Dutch oven, heat 2 tablespoons of the oil over medium-high heat. Brown the short ribs, taking care not to crowd the ribs or else they will not brown properly. Do in 2 batches if necessary.
Remove the ribs from the heat and set aside (the lid of the Dutch oven works perfectly for this…it’s going to get dirty anyway, right?)

Heat the remaining tablespoon of oil. Add the onions and let soften for a few minutes. Add the garlic, ginger, lemongrass, and pepper, and cook until the garlic is fragrant.
Place the short ribs and any accumulated juices back in the Dutch oven, nestling them in one layer, if possible. Add the coconut milk and the orange juice. Add the chicken broth, until the broth is just barely covering the meat. If you don’t use all of the chicken broth, that’s fine. If you need more liquid, add more chicken broth or water.
Place the cilantro stems into the broth.

Cover the Dutch oven and place in the oven. After ten minutes, check the liquid and make sure that it is not bubbling too aggressively. If it is at more than a gentle simmer, turn the heat down.

Cook for thirty minutes. Add the sweet potatoes and cook for about another hour, until the meat and the potatoes are tender.

Remove the cilantro stems from the broth, ladle into individual bowls, and garnish with cilantro leaves.

Polenta Flipbook

2007-05-16T11:34:00.000-07:00

Flipbook Instructions:

Print out the following photographs.
Use scissors to cut along the edge of each picture.
Stack the photographs into a booklet, making sure to maintain the same order as shown below.
Holding the lower left corner of the booklet with your left hand, use your right thumb to flip the pages quickly from front to back.
Watch the polenta in action, prepared like they used to in the countryside of Northern Italy!

Place a marble slab on the countertop.

Pour hot polenta over the marble slab and spread out evenly.

Spread it good, polenta man.

Spoon the topping over the polenta.

Sprinkle with parmesan shavings.

Painstakingly wait for polenta to harden from the coolnes of the marble slab. Sip wine and pretend to flirt with polenta man, but really, all you can think about is polenta.

The polenta has now cooled enough to be sliced into individual pieces.

Mmmmmmmmmm.
Thanks, polenta man.

Behold the polenta at Enoteca Roma, a restaurant and wine bar that prides itself on its rustic preparation of polentaria. The dish is assembled in front of you, and you can literally see the polenta hardening on the marble slab while you wait for it to cool. The main course served atop my polenta was salsiccia e funghi, a savory mixture of crimini mushrooms and sausage...soon I will need to go back soon to taste the corvara (venison Bolognese and parmigiano) and quattro formaggi (Letizia's four-cheese sauce).

Although I do not consider myself a very good tinkerer in the kitchen (generally I need a recipe), I am considering a serious attempt to tinker away and try this technique out at home.

In the meantime, while you wait for me to figure out a decent recipe and post it, visit Enoteca Roma and taste their polenta. You might even see me there. I would be the one sneaking out the door with my new marble slab. Sssssshhh, don't tell polenta man.

Enoteca Roma
2144-2166 W. Division St.
Chicago, IL 60622
773.342.1011

Reasons Why I Haven’t Been Blogging Lately

2007-05-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

Creamy Cauliflower Soup with Brazil Nut Pesto

Reasons Why I Haven’t Been Blogging Lately:

1. I’ve been on a diet ha ha ha ha ha ha.
2. I’ve been training for space travel.
3. My teleporting skills have been discovered and the government has been dissecting my brain. Meanwhile, the scientists are loaning me a temporary brain. I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be the brain of a monkey because I really can’t think of anything to write lately and I have been resisting strong urges to eat banana peels and hurl turds at people.
4. I have won the lottery and I’ve been making lists of who I like and don’t like and who I will share my money with and who doesn’t get any. Anyone who comments on this post automatically gets $100.
5. I’ve been spending all my spare time figuring out the HTML code for strikethrough.

Truthfully, I have no excuse for not posting regularly. Maybe the beautiful weather has been keeping me outside. But before the weather gets too warm, you need to know about this delicious cauliflower soup from Heidi Swanson's new book. I slurped it up steaming hot, but next time I make it, I just might try it cold.

If you haven’t heard about Heidi Swanson’s new book, Super Natural Cooking, let me tell you a little about it. The author of the blog 101 Cookbooks has created a gorgeous and inspiring cookbook. She teaches you how to use natural ingredients to make delicious and satisfying meals. Instead of being scared away by ‘health food,’ readers can learn about her unique approach to the preparation of vegetables, beans, whole-grains, and other whole foods. The photography is all her own, and the pages are done in a soft, matte finish, which enhances the natural concept of the book. Having made the sweet potato spoon bread, shredded green beans with lemon-lime zest and snipped chives, golden-crusted brussels sprouts, giant crusty and creamy white beans with greens, and this cauliflower soup, I can say that all the buzz her book is creating is well deserved. Yum.

The soup is quick and easy to prepare, and while the flavors are simmering, you can get the pesto ready. The hardest part is making the swirl. In lieu of a swirl, a dollop would suffice.

Creamy Cauliflower Soup with Brazil Nut Pesto
from Heidi Swanson’s Super Natural Cooking

For the Soup:
3 tablespoons clarified butter or extra-virgin olive oil
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
1 tsp. red pepper flakes
1 large potato peeled and chopped
1 ½ pounds cauliflower, coarsely chopped
5 cups vegetable stock or water
1/3 cup heavy cream or Cashew Cream
fine-grain sea salt (I used kosher salt, still good)

For the Pesto:
½ cup toasted Brazil nutes (I only had pine nuts, still good)
2 handfuls spinach leaves, stemmed
4 cloves garlic
½ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
½ cup extra-virgin olive oil
generous pinch of fine-grain sea salt (I used kosher)

Heat the butter in a soup pot over medium-high heat, add the garlic, onion, and red pepper flakes and sauté for 2 or 3 minutes, until translucent. Stir in the potato and cauliflower and cook for another couple of minutes. Add the stock, bring to a simmer, and cook until the vegetables are tender. Remove from the heat and puree thoroughly with a handheld immersion blender. Stir in the cream and season to taste.

To Make the Pesto:
Puree all the ingredients in a blender or food processor until smooth. Taste and add more salt if needed.

Ladle the soup into individual bowls, drop a spoonful of pesto in each one, and use a knife or toothpick to swirl.

a spoonful of pesto (who needs the soup?)

Self-Pity Pie

2007-05-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Chocolate Cookie Banana Peanut Butter Pie

I think I read somewhere that when something good happens to a friend, you should be happy for said friend. I can't remember where I read that, but I don't think it's true, because something good is happening to some of my friends, and I am violently fluctuating between being happy for them and insanely jealous of them.

What has happened to my friends that has caused my dark envy to rear its ugly head? They are becoming rock stars, that’s what’s happening. Indie rock stars (the cool kind).

Two of the girls in my string quartet are currently on a U.S. and European tour with the popular indie rock band Bright Eyes. The other one is about to go on another tour with her wonderful Chicago-based band, The 1900s. Two of them have played with Kanye West, one of them with Sufjan Stevens, two with Rilo Kiley, and one with Pinetop Seven. Why haven't I played with these bands, you ask? Well, I play the viola. Enough said. My track to stardom was over the day I learned how to read alto clef.

Quickly working their way up the indie rock ladder, my rock star friends will soon be sporting their own entries in Wikipedia, and Pitchfork readers will recognize them instantly when they walk into any bar or coffehouse across the nation.

OK fine, maybe I have had a small taste of their rock-star status when I got to play on the Oprah show with Il Divo.
But I hate Il Divo.
So it doesn't count.

Getting back to self-pity. Let us compare the life of my rock star friends to my miserable existence. hate them poke them in the eyes with their bows
1. My rock star friends gallivant about the planet, seeing interesting people and places everyday, exposed to the wonders of the world. I gallivant to the suburbs.
2. My rock star friends wake up at noon. I wake up at not-noon.
3. My rock star friends will soon be feasting on Parisian brie and baguettes. I will be feasting on cafeteria tater tots and the occasional Einstein’s Bagel if I am lucky to get out to the strip malls once in awhile.
4. My rock star friends have new MacBooks to check their email while they travel on their state-of-the-art wi-fi tour buses. I have a new toilet bowl scrubber. Suck it, Apple.
5. My rock star friends wear cute indie rock outfits all the time and get to show their cleavage. I am lucky if I can find something cute that's not a mock turtleneck.

So that I don’t collapse into a wallowing heap of self-loathing (which is important to do once in awhile but I like to save that for days where my only clean article of clothing is a mock turtleneck), allow me to list what I perceive to be downsides to the rock star lifestyle.

1. My rock star friends can’t make espresso on the road. When they buy coffee at a coffeehouse, they have no control over the quality of coffee they drink. Meanwhile, I am lucky to have a husband who ensures that I will have a quality cup of espresso every day of my life. Unless he dies before me. Which I’m pretty sure he will. But let us not think about that at this time.
2. My rock star friends can’t do yoga whenever they want. Whereas I can break out into sirshasana (head stand) whenever it suits my fancy. I think my fourth graders would definitely remember anything I teach them if I was teaching it to them while balancing upside-down.
3. My rock star friends aren’t allowed to poop on the tour bus. I can poop pretty much whenever. Can you imagine how awkward it must be when you have to poop on a tour bus and you have to hold a conversation with a fellow rock star while having to poop and be cool at the same time? I am so glad that’s not me.
4. Last but not least, my rock star friends don’t have a kitchen on the bus, which means they don’t get to make pie whenever they want. Which is the opposite from my situation, because I can make/eat pie anytime. Especially if it is chocolate cookie banana peanut butter pie. Or in this case, I can find the recipe online and have my husband make the pie, because I have too much self-pity about not being a rock star that I can't get out of bed to make it myself. My husband is so good at making pie. I hope he doesn’t die before me, because I couldn’t bear to be without pie.

Chocolate Cookie — Peanut Butter Banana Pie
~recipe adapted from Emeril's There's a Chef in My World by Emeril Lagasse (don’t judge me, Tony Bourdain, you have to admit his food is pretty tasty sometimes)

Ingredients:
16 cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons honey-roasted peanuts
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 ½ cups confectioners' sugar
1 cup heavy cream
2 small bananas (My husband thought 2 bananas was enough, whereas I would have liked to add another one for a more prominent banana flavor. But that could just be my government-loaned monkey brain talking.)

Directions:
In the bowl of a food processor or blender, combine 16 chocolate sandwich cookies and 1/4 cup of the peanuts. Process until finely crumbled.

Place the crumbs in a medium mixing bowl and drizzle with the melted butter, stirring until moistened. Press the crumb mixture into a 9-inch pie pan, covering the bottom and sides evenly. Chill the piecrust in the refrigerator for 20 minutes.

In the bowl of a standing electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, combine the peanut butter and cream cheese. Mix on low until creamy. With the mixer still on low, gradually add the confectioners' sugar, mixing until combined. Turn the mixer off, remove the peanut butter mixture, and place in a large mixing bowl.

Clean the bowl of the mixer and remove the paddle attachment. Add the whisk attachment and, in the clean bowl, whisk the cream on medium-high until stiff peaks form.

Using a rubber spatula, gently fold the whipped cream into the peanut butter mixture, adding the cream a little at a time, and being careful not to overmix.
Peel and slice the bananas, about 1/4 inch thick. Lay the banana slices in one even layer in the bottom of the chilled piecrust.
Spoon the peanut butter filling into the piecrust over the bananas and smooth the top with the back of the spoon. (The filling will be taller than the edges of the piecrust.)
Cover the pie lightly with plastic wrap and freeze for 4 hours or overnight.
Note: If the pie has been frozen for longer than 4 hours, allow it to sit for 10 to 15 minutes before slicing.

Ribs N' Bibs

2007-04-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

Rib tips from Ribs N' Bibs are so delicious that I once got caught standing in front of the fridge in my underwear eating them out of a paper bucket at 6:20 in the morning. I giggled, finished my beer, got ready for work, and all day I walked around smelling my fingers, nostalgic for the taste of barbecue sauce.
Just kidding about the beer part. But everything else is true.

I feel no shame about my early-morning indulgence...well, except the fact that I spent a large portion of with my fingers jammed up my nose. And enjoyed it, too. That’s kind of weird. I feel a little embarrassed about that. But who are you to say that you wouldn’t have the same problem? Stop being so judgmental. You’re probably picking your nose right now.

Getting back to ribs, I do wonder what percentage of people eat their leftover Ribs N’ Bibs while standing in front of their fridge in their underwear at 6 in the morning. I bet the number is higher than you think. I doubt that many people have the patience to wait until a proper rib-eating hour of the day to eat their leftover ribs, and then actually take the time to heat them up, let alone put on clothes first.

If you live in Hyde Park, you are probably familiar with the tantalizing aromas that waft from the hickory-burning fires at Ribs N’ Bibs. Their smokestack is but 1/10 of a mile from my house, and every time the wind carries that smell through my windows, I must exercise a considerable amount of restraint to not abandon my own cooking and follow my nose to the South Side Chicago landmark. I wish I could eat there more often! Regrettably, they don’t really serve vegetables, so I can’t justify eating there more than three or four times a year.

Celebrities have been visiting Ribs N' Bibs for years!

It took my husband and I a few years of living in Hyde Park before we ventured over to Ribs N’ Bibs because we had heard so many mixed reviews about it. We had heard that the large slabs of ribs are not the best that you can find in the city. But if you can find a few people to split a bucket of rib tips with, I think that you will be rather pleased. Elated. Addicted.
Rib tips are the tender ends of back or spare ribs that have been trimmed off to make the slabs rectangular. There is a satisfying amount of meat on each small bone, and the perfect amount of fat.
The pulled pork sandwich is a good deal, although I do find myself wishing for more meat on the sandwich. And I haven’t tried the chicken, but people tell me it’s delicious. Someday I will try it. I just can’t bring myself to order chicken when there is the option of rib tips or a pulled pork sandwich!

Good sauce. Good rib tips. Good pulled pork sandwich. Good chicken. Good smells. The only problem is that yesterday was Monday, and already I have had the best meal of the week. What is left to look forward to, if I have already eaten the best dinner of the week?
Why, leftovers, of course!

Ribs N’ Bibs
5300 S. Dorchester Ave.
Chicago, IL

I wish I owned a bib that said Rbn'.

Parrot, Three Ways

2007-04-07T05:29:00.000-07:00

Parrot with Artichoke, Sun-Dried Tomato, and White Wine

Roasted Parrot with Orange Blossom Honey Glaze

Parrot Baked in Coconut Curry Sauce

It is a sunny April morning in Chicago. The outside temperature is below freezing, but that doesn’t matter to me when I am snuggled up in my covers, delighted to be sleeping in past 5 AM.
I listen to the happy songbirds chirping outside, grateful that there are trees outside our bedroom window so that the birdies can hop around and awaken us with their melodies. Insert contented sigh.
Suddenly a deathly silence settles over the morning. Why did the little birdies stop their beautiful song?

“EEK EEEEEKKK EEEEEKK EK EKEK EKKKKKK!” The calmness is shattered. A flash of green darts past the window, and then another, and I know that the parrots have awakened. Once they are up, there will be no more cheerful warbling from the songbirds for the rest of the day...only the incessant squabbling of the wild monk parakeets that live in our neighborhood.

Photo is from Chicago Wilderness Magazine

The parakeets are an amazing example of a transplant species that has flourished in an urban area. Originally from Argentina, the beautiful yet annoying birds were transported to the States in large numbers to be kept as pets. Difficult to train, unsatisfied owners released them into the wild, and their population has been growing in Hyde Park and the surrounding areas since the 70’s. Read more about them here and here.

The parakeets are harmless, as there are no wheat fields or vegetable crops to which the birds pose a significant threat. They are a welcome splash of color during our drab winters, and I give the little boogers credit for surviving our tough winters. But come springtime, their inconsiderate clamor really gets on my nerves. If I wanted to feel like I lived in a zoo, I would work at a junior high. Oh wait, I already do. Ummmm.......

Just like the seventh graders I teach, the parakeets get rather ruffled when I tell them shut the hell up because they are annoying the shit out of me, and then they only squawk louder.* But I am smarter than my seventh graders. I know how to outwit them. I can’t just tell them to be quiet and expect them to mindlessly obey me. I need to find a reason for them to be quiet.
The reason is fear.
Fear that I will eat them.

Therefore, I have prepared three recipes with which I can threaten the parrots and strike fear into the cores of their hollow little bones. The first three photographs above have been printed out, laminated, and glued to the end of three long sticks.** Next time the green devils start up their hullabaloo, I will choose one of the three sticks, dangle it off my back porch, and wave it front of their beady little eyes so they can get a close look at their future.

I don’t think the birds are smart enough to know that the photographs are chicken meat, or that I have no intention of capturing them and eating them. As long as they are afraid, they will be stunned into silence, and I will have my peace and quiet.

Message for PETA: Stay away, I’m only joking! I would never eat a parrot or a seventh grader!

Roasted Parrot with Orange Blossom Honey
~adapted from Charlie Trotter, friend of birds
Ingredients:
1 cup orange blossom honey
1/4 cup chicken stock
1 3-4 pound parrot (or a few small parakeets, whatever you can catch)
kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

The honey glaze creates a deliciously crispy skin. Even if you don't eat the skin, prepare it this way, and the meat underneath remains moist and flavorful.

Glaze:
Place honey and stock in small saucepan and whisk over medium heat for 5 minutes, until smooth.

Bird:
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Place bird in roasting rack in a roasting pan and season with salt and pepper. Generously brush the glaze all over the parrot and roast for 45 - 60 minutes, or until the juices run clear (if using smaller birds, less time will be needed). Brush on additional glaze every 15 minutes during the roasting. Remove from oven, let rest for 10 minutes, then carve.

Parrot Baked in Coconut Curry Sauce
~adapted from Cooking Light Magazine

Ingredients:
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/4 cup chicken broth
1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons red curry paste
4 (6-ounce) skinless, boneless parrot breast halves
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
2 medium zucchini, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced (about 2 cups)
1 small yellow squash, thinly sliced (about 1 cup)
1 red bell pepper, cut into 1/4-inch-thick strips (about 1 cup)
1/2 cup diagonally cut green onions
4 teaspoons chopped fresh cilantro
4 lime wedges

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
Combine first 4 ingredients in a bowl, stir with a whisk and set aside.
Pound parrot breasts into even thickness between 2 sheets of plastic wrap. Sprinkle salt and pepper evenly over bird.
Spread out 4 (16x12-inch) sheets of heavy-duty aluminum foil. In the middle of one sheet, place 1/4 of the the vegetables (not the cilantro or lime). Lay 1 parrot breast half over the vegetables, and cover with 3 tablespoons of the coconut mixture. Fold foil over the bird and vegetables; tightly seal edges.
Repeat with remaining sheet of foil.
Place packets on a baking sheet. Bake for 22 minutes, remove from oven, and let sit for 4 minutes. Unfold carefully to avoid being burned by the steam. Sprinkle with cilantro and lime, over a bed of jasmine rice.

Parrot with Artichokes and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
~Fancy Toast original recipe

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 large shallots, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon garlic, minced
1 cup white wine

1 pound parrot tenders (or chicken tenders)
kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
6 oz. jar artichokes
4 oz. sun-dried tomatoes, sliced thinly
juice of one lemon
1 tablespoon fresh parsley, chopped

Salt and pepper the parrot tenders on each side.
In a Dutch Oven or a large skillet with a tight-fitting lid, heat the oil over medium-high heat.
Cook the chicken until just browned, about 2 minutes on each side. Remove chicken from pan and set aside on a plate.
Add the shallots to the now-empty pan and cook until tender, about 4 minutes.
Add the garlic. Cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
Add the wine and scrape off any browned bits from the bottom.
Return the bird to the pan, along with the artichokes and tomatoes.
Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until the bird is cooked all the way through, about 10 minutes.
Remove the parrot/chicken from the pan and tent with foil to keep warm. If the sauce is too thin, increase the heat until the sauce thickens to the desired consistency.
Remove from heat and stir in lemon juice.
Spoon sauce and vegetables over the bird. Sprinkle with parsley.

*Disclaimer #1: Lest you think I am a disgruntled and frustrated teacher, I want you to know that I have never told any my students to shut up, or that they were annoying the shit out of me.
**Disclaimer #2: Lest, you think I am crazy, I didn't really print out those photographs and laminate them and glue them to the end of three long sticks. I hope you believe me.

Mandoline Chronicles, Cont'd

2007-04-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

February, 2007.
Purchase mandoline slicer.
Fail miserably while trying to slice cabbage.

March, 2007.
Ouch.
While practicing mandoline skills, accidentally slice finger. Note to self: always use hand guard.

April, 2007.
Become proficient at slicing cabbage with mandoline slicer!
Celebrate by moving on to fennel.

You may remember a distraught post in February when I was desperately seeking online instructions on how to use my new OXO mandoline slicer to shred cabbage. The post sparked a list of comments with people either voicing similar frustrations or offering tips about how to use the mandoline. Contributing to the comments were two employees of OXO, including the president of the company himself. The OXO folks showed genuine concern for the customers who were unsatisfied with their product, gave some suggestions for proper usage, and then posted information about contacting OXO for mandoline lessons.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who offered advice, and thank you to the people at OXO for making the effort to reach out to your customers and make sure we are happy with your product.

I would also like to say that while I am still not a mandoline expert, slicing is getting easier after heeding the advice from readers. After a few months of practice, and only one injury, which was due to my own carelessness, I can now shred cabbage! It turns out I was doing it all wrong. Only an idiot like me would grab the whole head of cabbage and just start slicing it whole. The secret, unbeknownst to me the time, is to cut the cabbage into quarters and then start slicing with the cut side against the blade.

If you reached this post because you did an online search for tips about using a mandoline, I have compiled everyone’s suggestions into a brief list that will save you the time of going through the comments on the other post. If you have anything to add or change, let me know and I will revise the list.

One more thing…Gretchen, the first of the OXOs to respond to the post, has a beautiful 2 ½ year old boy who has recently been diagnosed with a cancer called Neuroblastoma. Liam will have to go through some aggressive treatment with a relatively long recovery period. His family is chronicling his story at Prince Liam the Brave. Visit their site if you have a moment. Or many moments, because you will want to keep reading on and on about this amazing little person and what he and his family are going through. Oxo created a donations page if you are interested in helping the family.

Tips for Using a Mandoline Slicer
1. Experiment with different types of pressure. Vegetables like cabbage will require a lighter touch, while other vegetables like carrots need heavier weight.

2. Keep the pressure consistent as you slide the vegetables through the blade, even though it goes against your instincts to force your hand quickly towards such a sharp edge.

3. Wet the panel that the vegetable slides along. Some vegetables are inherently moist, and they self-lubricate the panel with each swipe, but other foods are drier and may not glide as smoothly towards the blade.

4. If the hand guard is difficult to control, purchase a fish fillet glove at a sporting goods store, or any glove that will protect your fingers against the sharp edge.

5. If you are slicing cabbage (this is the information I was searching for a few months ago), cut the cabbage into quarters and slice the cut side against the blade. If you are slicing fennel, cut off the bottom, slice the bulb in half, and then slice.

Olive Oil Poached Salmon with Fennel-Orange Relish

The pieces of fennel from the above photos were used in a fennel-orange relish, which garnished a filet of olive oil poached salmon. I know it sounds odd to poach something in olive oil, but it results in a wonderfully delicate and tender texture. Supposedly, when you submerge the fish in the oil and cook it at a very low temperature (low enough that you can stick your finger in the oil and hold it there!), not much oil is absorbed by the fish. Instead, the olive oil seals in the flavor and the moisture.

Olive Oil Poached Salmon with Fennel-Orange Relish
~adapted from Bobby Flay

Ingredients:
4 salmon fillets, skin removed
Salt and pepper
2 cups pure olive oil*

Fennel & Orange Relish:
Pinch of saffron (I omitted this for financial purposes and it still tasted delicious)
1 head fennel, outer layer removed, halved and thinly sliced (yay, mandoline!)
3 tablespoons olive oil, plus 2 tablespoons
Salt and pepper
1 small red onion, halved and thinly sliced
2 oranges, segmented
2 tablespoons pomegranate molasses (can also be used for cocktails)
1 tablespoon honey
Juice of 1 lemon
3 tablespoons chopped parsley
3 tablespoons fennel frond

Directions:
Season salmon on both sides with salt and pepper. Place in a large high-sided sauté pan and cover with olive oil.
Turn the flame to medium and let the salmon gently poach in the oil until just cooked through, 15-20 minutes. The oil’s temperature should be below the boiling point. You should be able to keep your finger submerged in the oil for a few moments.
Remove the salmon from the oil and drain on paper towels. Serve with the fennel-orange relish and top with a fennel frond.

Fennel-Orange Relish:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Place saffron in a small bowl and cover with a few tablespoons of hot water, let sit 5 minutes to bloom.
Combine the fennel, 3 tablespoons of the oil and the saffron, along with the soaking liquid in a large bowl and season with salt and pepper. Transfer to a roasting pan and roast until just soft, stirring occasionally, about 20-25 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cook slightly then transfer to a large bowl.
(Since I omitted the saffron, I just drizzled the fennel slices with oil and roasted them almost dry. They browned a little bit but I think it enhanced the flavor of the relish.)
Stir in the red onion, oranges, pomegranate molasses, honey, lemon, parsley and season with salt and pepper.

*The oil can be re-used. Since the cooking temperature is so low, the oil's structure does not break down. I plan to recycle mine. I'll let you know if everything I sauté tastes like salmon.

No-Bakies!

2007-04-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

No-Bake Oatmeal Chocolate Fudge Cookies

A few years ago, I was walking down the street with my good friend Emily, and I said to her, “Emily, I want you to know that our friendship has reached the level in which my love for you is unconditional. So at this point, you can’t f--- it up, no matter what you do.”

Tears gathered in her big, brown eyes, and she said, “Really? That’s the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me.”

A few months later, we were sitting around doing nothing, our favorite activity at the time, and Emily said to me, “Erielle, remember that one time you said my love for you was unconditional? Well, is it really? I mean, what would you do if I killed Nate?” (Nate was my fiancée then. She didn’t have a reason for which she would kill him, she was only pondering the nature of unconditional love.)
I thought about this for a moment, and I said, “Well, I guess I wouldn’t love you anymore.”
We both concluded that perhaps my love for her was not unconditional after all.
After this realization set in, she asked, “So...what if Nate killed me? Would you still love him?”
I thought for another minute. “I’m sorry to say this, Emily, but I think would still love him. I’d be really mad at him, but I unfortunately I would probably still love him. Even if he was in jail and I couldn’t have his babies.”
Emily sighed. “Wow, that’s true love.”
“Yes, I suppose it is,” I agreed.
As the meaning of unconditional love became clear to us though this hypothetical series of wrongdoings, we realized we were hungry from our session of profound thoughts. What could we make to eat?

The answer was obvious: No-Bakies! No-Bakies are oatmeal-chocolate-peanut butter cookies that don’t require baking. They contain wonderful ingredients but lack the permanent chemical bond between them that is created by baking. Just like our friendship, wow!

Was Emily upset that I rescinded my proclamation of a few months earlier? At first, I thought she understood. But today, as I look closer at the No-Bakie recipe that she had written out for me on that fateful day, I realize that she must have been angrier than she let on, having written comments such as:
“Erielle is a big fat slob. Hate her.”
“Tickle her and provoke her.”
“Give blank stares often.”
“Poop on your mom.”

Emily’s No Bake Fudge Cookies of Love
1 stick butter
2 cups sugar
4 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cup quick oats

In a saucepan over medium-high heat, melt butter. Add next four ingredients and heat until the mixture comes to a boil. Boil for one minute, then remove from heat. Stir in peanut butter and oats.
Drop mixture by the spoonful onto a sheet of waxed paper, parchment paper, or aluminum foil. Allow no-bakies to cool until firm, approximately 20 minutes.

Salsa Verde: an Indication of the Status of My Affection Towards my Dinner Guests

2007-03-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

Tacos are hard work.
By the time I char/soak/blend the chiles and brown/braise/shred the meat and reduce the chile braising sauce and season/heat the beans and crumble the queso freso and dice the onions and mince the jalepeño and chop the cilantro and fry the tortillas and cut the avocados and slice the limes, I am a sweaty mess and my eyes are burning from the jalepeño oils because I always forget that I am not supposed to touch my eyeballs after I work with jalepeños, even if I have washed my hands seventeen times.
In any case, despite the delights of working with such wonderful ingredients, I will say again that tacos are hard work.

Therefore, I only make tacos for people whom I love. So if you ever come to my house and you get a taco, you know what that means.

Now, if you come to my house and you get a taco AND salsa verde (green salsa), which takes a little bit more effort on my part, then you know that I really do love you but I would like something from you in exchange for my epicurean exertions. Whether it be a meal at your house in the future, a mix CD, a ride on your motorcycle, or cold hard cash, you know that I have material expectations for our relationship.

If you come to my house and you get tacos but no salsa verde, that means that I am content with the status of our relationship and I need nothing from you in return aside from a yum and a hug when you go.

If you come to my house and you just get salsa verde but no taco, the salsa verde is most likely functioning as a snack, as opposed to an appetizer or a taco garnish, which means there will be no main course, which means I don’t want you staying any longer than it takes to eat the salsa verde, which means that I don’t really like you at all and I am subtly letting you know that I can’t wait for you to leave.
However, if you get salsa verde with no taco BUT the salsa verde has avocado smushed into it (YUM!), then you know that I do love you, obviously, because avocados aren’t cheap. The only reason you might not be getting a taco as well is that I am not in a particularly demonstrative mood and I am withholding my affections for the time being.

Now, if you have been to my house at least 14 times and at no point during the duration of your stay have you been handed a taco or salsa verde, I think we might need to re-evaluate our relationship. Probably what’s happening here is that we believe ourselves to be well suited for each other, and we’re really trying hard to make it work. But since I have not befittingly expressed my love for you, either with salsa verde or a taco, my subconscious is telling me that even though I think I love you, I really don’t, and I’m just pretending to love you.
But this is not just my fault, don’t pin this on me. If you wanted me to love you, all you would have to do is ask for tacos or salsa verde and then I could not say no, because I love them, and then since I made them for you, I would automatically love you, sort of like when people pick out marriage partners for their children and even though the newleyweds don’t love each other at first, they eventually learn to love each other out of necessity. It would be like that.

I hope this all makes sense. Let me know if you don’t fit into any of the above categories and I will verbally notify you of the status of our relationship.

Salsa Verde (Green Salsa)
~recipe is from my friend Jaime, who got it from her lover, Rick Bayless

Ingredients:
1 pound tomatillos, husked and rinsed
8 large garlic cloves, peels left on
1-2 jalepeño chiles, stemmed (Taste them first to make sure they aren’t extremely spicy, or you won’t be able to taste the salsa. True story.)
1/2 - 3/4 cup white onion, chopped finely
handful of cilantro, chopped
salt
sugar, white or brown

Directions:
Spread tomatillos, garlic, and chiles on a baking sheet and put under the broiler.
Broil for about 5 minutes, until you see blackened, charred spots on the vegetables.
Flip them over and roast until they become darkened, juicy, soft and oozy.
Pour the entire contents of the pan into a blender (with juices). Add a bit of the cilantro.
Blend into a coarse purée. Add a little bit of water if necessary.
Add the onion, salt to taste, and the rest of the cilantro leaves, to taste.
(Don’t tell anyone, but I added a little bit of brown sugar for sweetness. Sweet and spicy is quite a pleasant flavor combination.)

Variations:
~Caramelize onion slices in a pan or in the oven, then chop them and add. Salsa will be sweeter.
~Raw version: Don’t roast anything, just throw everything into the blender except for the onions, which are added at the end. Salsa will be more pungent than the roasted version.
~Mash an avocado or two with a fork, then stir into salsa. Makes a satisfying lunch with leftover tortillas or just eaten with a spoon.

El Milagro tortilla chips are made right here in Chicago. They are the best that I have found since I moved here, and they have a happy song on their website that you can listen to while you eat chips. I buy them at Hyde Park Produce, but their website lists other locations at which you can find them.

Three Ways to Proscrastinate When You Don't Feel Like Not Procrastinating

2007-03-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

1. Make chocolate curls!

Procure a thick chocolate bar from your pantry or grocery store. (Thicker bars are easier to work with; they don't break as easily.)
Melt the chocolate for about 20 seconds in the microwave until it is just warmer than room temperature, but not melting.
Break the bar into manageable chunks.
Holding the chocolate with one hand and a vegetable peeler in the other, slice the peeler towards you. If the chocolate merely shatters and breaks off, the bar is not warm enough.
Reheat and try again.

Once you have made the curls, your only option is to procrastinate some more and make a dessert atop which to sprinkle the curls.

2. Alphabetize your spice drawer!

It might seem like a rather frivolous activity, one for which you may become the subject of polite ridicule from friends/ a spouse /yourself, but I daresay that my overall quality of life has improved since the day that my spices became easier to locate in a pinch.
P.S. Spices are very accessible in a drawer, as opposed to a cabinet. If you ever find yourself scrambling for your nutmeg, only to find you have three canisters of it because you couldn't find it the last two times you looked for it so you bought more at the store, I highly recommend procrastinating whatever you are supposed to be doing right now (you're obviously procrastinating, hello, you're reading a food blog), clean out a drawer, and alphabetize your spices.

3. Practice becoming an expert on your mandoline!
(The slicer, not the musical instrument. )

Stop complaining about how you can't figure out how to the work the stupid thing; just play with it, and you'll get it. Grab random fruits or vegetables in your kitchen and start slicing.
For this procrastination session, I set the mandoline on a very thin setting, ran an apple through its magnificently sharp blades, laid the slices out on a Silpat, sprinkled them with brown sugar, and baked them at 350 degrees until they crisped up. Yum!

Any more ideas on how to waste time in the kitchen? I am always open to learning new strategies in order to avoid what I am supposed to be doing at any given moment.

O’Tiramisù for St. Patrick’s Day

2007-03-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Who says tiramisù isn’t Irish? It’s totally Irish if you make it with Bailey’s Irish Cream.
If any leprechauns are reading this and you aren’t convinced of its authenticity, just shut up until you try it, and then you won’t care if it’s really Irish or not because you’ll be in heaven, and in heaven, no one cares about anything and that’s what is so great about heaven. Besides, you leprechaun people creep me out.

Heaven and leprechauns aside, my husband and I were invited to an Irish feast for St. Patrick’s Day. For our contribution to the meal, we were assigned an Irish dessert.

An Irish dessert...hmmmm....what would we make? I found a good-looking recipe for bread and butter pudding with hot whiskey sauce. I commenced to prepare a shopping list, but then I realized that all I was really interested in was the whiskey sauce (cream, sugar, whiskey, and stick of butter), so I decided against the bread and butter pudding. I’ll probably make the whiskey sauce for dinner sometime this week. Creepy and/or mean leprechauns, you don’t get any.

After bread pudding, O’Tiramisù was obviously the next best choice! We consulted our favorite tiramisù recipe, and anytime it called for dark rum or coffee liqueur, we used Bailey’s Irish Cream (which is a type of coffee liqueur). Oh yes, and we doubled the amount of syrup, just to ensure that the cake would be adequately saturated with the creamy Irish goodness.

Traditional Italian tiramisù usually calls for ladyfingers instead of a cake, but this version is so soft and sponge-like that I prefer it over the ladyfingers. We’re not trying to be Italian, anyway.

So. This recipe is fairly high-maintenance, but I urge you to persevere, and you will thrilled with the results. I promise! (In case you were wondering, this dessert falls into Quadrant III of Fancy Toast’s Process vs. Product Comparison Chart. Its high-maintenance process results in a high-quality product, and is therefore worth the amount of time and effort given.)

O’Tiramisù
~adapted from Williams-Sonoma: Dessert, by Abigail Johnson Dodge

Cake:
1 cup flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
4 large eggs, at room temperature
2/3 cup sugar
1 1/4 teaspoons vanilla extract

Syrup:
(These proportions are doubled to allow for a properly soaked cake)
1 cup water
2/3 cup sugar
4 tablespoons Bailey’s Irish Cream (or dark rum)
4 teaspoons instant espresso powder (can be found in coffee aisle of grocery stores)

Cream filling:
6 large egg yolks
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup Bailey’s Irish cream (or dark rum)
1 tablespoon instant espresso powder
1/2 (4 oz.) cup heavy cream
1 1/2 cups (12 oz.) mascarpone cheese
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Chocolate curls for garnish
Unsweetened cocoa powder for garnish

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease and flour the bottom of a 9-inch springform pan.

Cake:
In a bowl, whisk the dry ingredients.
In a different bowl, with a mixer at medium-high speed, beat the eggs for about 3 minutes, until pale and thick. Add the sugar and vanilla and continue beating until tripled in volume and very thick, about 3 more minutes.
Sprinkle the dry ingredients over the wet ingredients, and fold with a rubber spatula until gently blended.

Pour into prepared pan and bake for about 30 minutes, until the cake springs back when lightly touched. Let cool 15 minutes, run a knife around the inside of the pan, invert the cake, remove the pan, and let the cake cool completely.

Syrup:
Combine water and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring frequently until the sugar dissolves. Bring to a boil, remove from the heat, and stir in the Bailey’s and the espresso powder. Set aside to cool.

Cream Filling:
The filling is made in the top of a double-broiler. (If you don’t have a double-broiler, like me, set a metal bowl on top of a saucepan with barely-simmering water. Make sure the water does not boil.) Whisk together the egg yolks, sugar, Bailey’s, and espresso powder.
Use a hand-held mixer to to beat the mixture for 6 minutes, until very thick. Remove from heat and cool completely.

Using the mixer on high speed, beat the cream until stiff peaks form when the beaters are lifted.

When the yolk mixture is cooled to room temperature, add the mascarpone and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Using the rubber spatula, fold in the whipped cream.

Assembly (Whew! You’re almost there!):
Cut the cake horizontally into 3 layers.
Put one layer back into the springform pan. (Or, remove the bottom of the springform pan, close the ring, and set the ring onto a serving plate. Place one layer inside the ring. With this way, I can’t assure you that the syrup won’t leak out from under the ring.)
Brush with some of the syrup, so the cake is soggy and saturated.
Scoop one third of the cream filling and spread evenly.
Place another cake layer on top of the filling, brush with syrup, and spread with filling.
Place the third layer of cake on top, brush with syrup, and spread the remaining filling on top.
Gently tap the pan against the counter to settle its contents, then cover with plastic wrap and chill for at least 6 hours or up to overnight (FYI- it’s still delicious if ou can’t wait that long.)

When ready to serve, remove sides of the springform pan. Garnish with chocolate curls, then dust with cocoa powder. Slice and serve. Watch out for little, bitter, impy leprechauns who might be trying to trip you and ruin your O’Tiramisù experience.

Potato and Onion Cakes for the Temporally Challenged

2007-03-09T04:10:00.000-08:00

go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home make potato and onion cakes go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed go to work come home go to bed

Potato and Onion Cakes
~adapted from a random magazine in a random auto mechanic shop in a random suburb of Chicago

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
coarse salt
1 teaspoon chopped rosemary, plus 6 sprigs for ramekins
1 small red onion, sliced into 6 1/4” rounds
4 medium Yukon Gold potatoes, grated
1 egg yolk, slightly beaten

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Butter ramekins, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, sugar, and vinegars.
Place a rosemary sprig in the bottom of each ramekin, then lay one onion round over the rosemary.
Toss potatoes with egg, rosemary, and 2 teaspoons coarse salt.
Divide the potatoes into ramekins and dot with remaining butter.
Bake for 30 minutes, until brown.
To remove the cakes, slide a knife around the edge of the ramekin, then turn upside down.

And the Winners Are...

2007-03-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

90 entries to drool over!

90 photographs of delicious things to eat!
90 foodbloggers sharing their love for food and photography!

Does My Blog Look Good in This? just might have reached a record number of entires this month! It just goes to show that the wonderful community of food bloggers is growing larger everyday.

Thanks to all who participated, and thank you thank you thank you to our judges, Fannie, Jen, Mae, and Nicole, who graciously accepted the fun yet challenging task of judging. We discovered very quickly that it is not an easy task to judge each photo objectively. Sure, it's easy to look at a photo and say "Yum, I'd eat that!", but it gets more difficult when you have to scratch your head and say, "Hmmm... the composition of this photo is more aesthetically pleasing than that photo, although I'd rather put this photo in my mouth than that photo, but on the other hand, that photo is so unique, and hmmmmmm...."
Thank goodness we have three different categories with which to rate each picture, so that each photo's strengths can be honored!

The judges and I have finally put our scores together, and amid the sea of beautiful photographs, some sure winners have emerged:

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Blanc, Lait, Noir: La Mousse Tri-Choco by Stanislas at Blanc D'Oeuf, taken with a Canon 400D & Sigma 105 Macro f/2.8.

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Dark Chocolate and Raspberry Cake, with its Chocolate-Ginger Mousse by Bea at La Tartine Gourmande, taken with a Canon 30D.

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Coconut & Cardamom Candy by Gattina at Kitchen Unplugged, taken with an Olympus SP 500 UZ.

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Chocolate Pudding & Meringue Spoons by Lara at Cook and Eat, taken with a Canon 20D.

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Ginger Mint Tisane by Lynne Daley at Cafe LynnLu, taken with a Canon 5D with 100mm macro.

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Entry #49: Orgasmic Mac-n-Cheese by Amanda &Tyler at What We're Eating, taken with a Canon Digital Rebel.

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What a delightful collection of photographs!
Congratulations to the winners!

The rest of the gorgeous entries can be viewed in the gallery.
If you're hungry for more, visit Culinary Curiousity for the next round!
Winners, if you like, you can use one of these tags that Matt created for the competition.

DMBLGiT Results Coming Soon!

2007-02-25T07:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay in posting about this month's Does My Blog Look Good in This? photography competition. Life has been rather hectic around here, but now it has calmed down a little and I will be able to pay more attention to the important things in life, such as photographs of food.

It will be a few days before we know our winners, as the judges and I need a bit more time to score the 90 beautiful entries.

While you await the results, please feel free to browse through the gallery and enjoy.

One Day Left for DMBLGiT!

2007-02-21T04:07:00.000-08:00

Calling all food bloggers, calling all food food bloggers!
There is one day left to submit a photograph for this month's Does My Blog Look Good in This? photography competition.
Entries are due tomorrow, February 22nd, at noon CST.

If you missed the kick-off earlier this month and would still like to participate, you can read the rules here.
If you would like to view the beautiful photographs in the gallery (there are more than 70 entries this month, wow!), click here.

Wine Night with the Girls: A Classy Excuse to Educate and Intoxicate Ourselves

2007-02-19T04:06:00.000-08:00

It has been almost two years since some friends and I started the tradition of Wine Nights. Wine Nights are informal and lovely gatherings where each person brings a bottle of wine that fits into the night’s theme, some information about the wine, and a dish that complements the wine. We sit around a table for four to six hours, tasting, smelling, comparing, not taking notes, laughing, eating, drinking, pouring, spilling, telling stories, being silly, making fun of boys, and occasionally dancing to Usher.

There have been 13 gatherings during the past two years, and there are about 12 girls at each one. You may or may not already know that 13 x 12 is 156, which means that we have tasted 156 wines for the price of 13 wines. Many of those wines I have remembered fondly and purchased afterwards for myself.

Because of the various Wine Night themes, almost all of the wines are bottles that we would not normally choose on our own. The changing assignments allow us to branch out to different aisles of the wine shop that we usually ignore. When we have an assignment, it makes it much easier to walk over to a new shelf, select an unfamiliar bottle, and try to learn more about the wine on the internet.

These are the themes of our past 12 Wine Nights. There are obviously hundreds more regions and grapes that we have not yet delved into, but we’re trying our best! We could always try harder, but then we would be forever tipsy. Forever tipsy, that has a nice ring to it. I think it would make a great bumper sticker.

Wine Night #1: Assigned wines. Every girl is assigned a different grape.
Wine Night #2: Fickle Grapes: Viogner and Pinot Noir
Wine Night #3: Italian Whites
Wine Night #4: Western Australia
Wine Night #5: Willamette Valley, Oregon
Wine Night #6: Germany
Wine Night #7: South America
Wine Night #8: Any wine with the color purple in the label (bring a purple food as well)
Wine Night #9: Sake
Wine Night #10: Rosés
Wine Night #11: Wine Merchant’s Choice. Go to your local wine shop. Ask the person working there what is his/her absolute favorite wine that they sell (in your price range).
Wine Night #12: Bubbly! (Champagne or Sparkling Wine)
Wine Night #13: Storytime. Bring a wine that has a personal story behind it.

When the theme is broad and encompasses different types of wines, we learn to identify characteristics of different grapes from different regions. When we narrow the theme to specific grapes or regions, we can start to discern more subtle differences between winemakers’ techniques, soils, climates, and other factors, most of which we are blissfully unaware.

Some possible ideas for future Wine Nights:
Same wine, different year: Two people pair up. Bring the same wine, but from two different years. Everyone gets two glasses. Compare the differences between the two vintages.

Cheapo Wine Night: Purchase the most inexpensive bottle that your local wine shop still recommends with a clean conscience.

Food before Booze: First, decide which food to make. Research which type of wine will be best complemented by the flavors of the food. Have a few sips of wine before tasting the matching dish, so that you can taste the difference in the flavors that the food brings out in the wine.

Moneybags: Four people go in together to buy a $100 bottle of wine, each person paying $25. The advantages of this: there will only be three wine bottles, meaning we’ll be less tipsy, meaning we’ll taste each one more seriously, which is not a bad idea if we are tasting such fine wines. After the three bottles, if we are still thirsty, we can merrily deplete the hostess’ current wine collection. (Note: This would also be a good night to invite boys to Wine Night, because more people = more money = more $100 wine for everybody.)

(these 2 photos are by Sue)

Any suggestions for more themes? Our knowledge of Old World wines is severely inadequate, so if there are any regions of Europe that you find especially delicious, let me know!
We also especially appreciate whimsical themes, even if they are not as conducive to the development of sophisticated taste buds as regional themes are. Oh well. I heard we’re too young to have sophisticated wine taste buds anyway. I don't know where I heard that, don't know if it's true, but I do know that Wine Nights are joyful, shining moments in our lives, glimmering brightly throughout our workweeks and giving us a reason to work to get money to buy wine to bring to Wine Night.

(top photo in this group is by Sue)

Achieving Self-Actualization with Bacon

2007-02-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

Maple-Glazed Bacon on Gorgonzola Polenta Squares
(Bacon is caramelized in a low-heat oven with brown sugar,
walnuts, and pure maple syrup.)

I have taken the liberty of amending Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs to plan out my journey towards self-actualization. It is my sincerest hope that others will find this revision useful in their individual pursuits of life-fulfillment.

According to Abraham Maslow, a mid-century American psychologist, every human can reach his or her maximum potential once he or she has become self-actualized. What is self-actualization? Well, think of people you know who are generally good-natured, thoughtful, intelligent, wise, mature, tolerant, motivated, appreciative, creative, friendly, helpful, non-judgmental, and who don’t have many problems, as far as you can tell. And if they do have problems, they don’t complain about them too much and they quickly figure them out and move on. Basically, they are the most complete and most awesome people that you know.

Those people are most likely self-actualized. They have taken care of their basic human needs, they are not worried about finances, they are not lonely, they have a healthy but not over-bearing sense of self-esteem, they feel needed and respected in their various communities, and they have transcended into the top level of Maslow’s pyramid, where they can work towards the highest level of personal growth, unburdened by the worldly anxieties that the rest of us deal with on a daily basis.
It might sound like I’m jealous of the self-actualized, but really, I’m not. Self-fulfilled superhumans have worked very hard to get where they are, and the rest of us will get there someday, assuming we were born with good luck and the right personality traits.

As you can see from the above diagram, I have developed a catalyst that will expedite our progress towards self-actualization:
Bacon.

Introduce bacon into the Level of Human Needs in which you currently exist, and you will automatically be bumped to the next highest stage of human growth. Follow my logic:

Imagine that you are stuck on the most basic level, the Physiological Level. You can’t seem to get the hang of breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion. Well, I’ve said before and I’ll say it again, that I like eating bacon more than I like pooping. If this preference applies to you as well, next time you have to go to the bathroom, just make bacon instead. Then you will have conquered one of your most basic human needs and proved yourself worthy of Level Two.

Now that you are on Level Two, you have become acutely aware of your need for safety. My advice is to always carry bacon around in your pocket. If you are ever in a sword fight or any other situation in which you feel like that life is in danger, offer your assailant a piece of warm, crispy bacon. He or she will automatically back down and leave you safely sailing on toward the bright horizons of Level Three.

Welcome to Level Three, the Level of Love and Belonging, where you need to get people to love you in order to move on. It’s no secret that the fastest way to people’s hearts is through their bellies, so feed your friends and loved ones bacon all the time, and you will secure a warm place in their hearts faster than a fat pug can eat a plateful of semi-cooled bacon grease.

Now you are on Level Four, the hardest level to pass because you can’t fool yourself into having good self-esteem. Solution: Repeat after me: “I'm good enough to eat bacon, I'm smart enough to make bacon, and gosh darn it, people like me when I make bacon!” Instant self-esteem and a free ticket to Level Five.

Congratulations, you are now self-actualized. What were once heavy burdens of daily life are now delightful joys that you feel blessed to partake in, and you are free to experience life to its fullest. Your new personality characteristics that you automatically receive as a benefit of self-actualization are:

Morality (It’s ethical to eat bacon, what else are they going to do with all that pig fat?)
Creativity (How many different ways can I make bacon today?)
Spontaneity (Let’s make bacon right NOW!)
Problem Solving (I seem to be gaining weight…it must be because of all the pig fat I am ingesting, I am so smart!)
Lack of Prejudice (Lots of people eat bacon, therefore we are all the same and I love everybody.)
Acceptance of facts (You got more bacon than I did, and I’m okay with that. I also accept the fact that you’re an insensitive, self-indulgent glutton.)

Like many children, I wanted so badly to possess superhuman powers, mainly flying, talking to animals, and moving things with my eyeballs. As I grew older, took some psychology classes, and realized the futility of my dreams (in that order, of course), my fantasies of developing magical powers slowly transformed into hopes of one day becoming self-actualized.

I’m pretty sure that before today, I was on Level Four. But then I wrote that part about liking bacon more than pooping, and I think I might have lost some respect from people who think that's gross, and I so dropped back down to Level Three.

Fortunately, I have Maple-Glazed Bacon on Gorgonzola Polenta Squares, which I need way more than any of Maslow’s aforementioned needs, and if eating these transcendentally delicious appetizers doesn’t get me closer to self-fulfillment, than there is nothing on this planet that can.

Maple-Glazed Bacon on Gorgonzola Polenta Squares
~from Bon Appétit February 2007

Ingredients:
1 ½ cups whole milk
1 ½ cups chicken broth
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup polenta (or coarse corn-meal)
¾ cup coarsely crumbled Gorgonzola cheese or other blue cheese

1 pound thick-cut applewood-smoked bacon
1 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
½ cup walnuts
¼ cup pure maple syrup

Bring first 3 ingredients to a boil in a heavy medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Gradually whisk in polenta (or cornmeal). Reduce heat to medium-low; cook until polenta is thick enough to come away from sides of pan, stirring almost constantly, about 15 minutes. Mix in cheese. Spread polenta evenly in 9x9x2-inch pan. Chill until cold and firm, at least 2 hours and up to one day.

Meanwhile, preheat oven to 250 degrees Farenheit. Arrange bacon in a single layer on a rimmed baking sheet. Using on / off turns, blend sugar, walnuts, and maple syrup in processor until nuts are chopped and a crumbly texture forms. Sprinkle mixture over bacon. Bake until topping is caramelized and bacon is cooked through but still flexible, about one hour. Cool 10 minutes. Cut crosswise into 1-inch squares.

Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone mat. Cut polenta into 1-inch squares; place on rimmed baking sheet; top each polenta square with a bacon piece. This can be done up to 1 day ahead if chilled.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Farenheit. Bake polenta uncovered until heated through, about 10 minutes. Transfer to a platter and hot serve hot.

Does My Blog Look Good in This?

2007-02-08T04:10:00.000-08:00

This month, Fancy Toast has the honor of hosting Does My Blog Look Good in This?, a monthly competition that showcases some of the best photographs that appeared in January on food blogs around the world.

There are so many wonderful food blogs in the blogosphere, and so little time to read every single one! This contest gives us the opportunity to see photos we may have missed during the month. Every month on DMBLGiT, I discover one or two more fantastic food blogs to add to my daily read.

I am delighted to be judging with four bloggers whose photographs and sites are absolutely lovely. May I present our esteemed judges:
Fanny of Foodbeam
Jen of Milk and Cookies
Mae of Rice and Noodles
Nicole of Pinch My Salt

If you would like to participate in this month's DMBLGiT, please send an email to DMBLGiTFeb2007 at yahoo.com with the following:

• An attachment of a photograph that was posted on your blog during the month of January 2007. Originals only, please. The work must be your own.
• Your name
• URL of your website
• URL of the post that the photo appeared in
• Title of the photograph
• Type of camera used

Entries will accepted until 12:00 P.M. CST (U.S.) on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2007. As the entries are sent in, I will be posting them in the gallery.

There are several categories in which the photographs will be judged:
Aesthetics: the artistic qualities of the photograph, such as composition, food styling, lighting, focus, etc.
Edibility: the degree to which the photograph makes you want to lick the screen
Originality: creativity, uniqueness
Overall Winner: the brilliant incorporation of the above artistic elements

If you would like to view the gallery from last month’s DMBLGiT, visit the charming Bonapegeek to look at the gorgeous December entries.

Come back to Fancy Toast soon to view new photographs in the gallery!

I Would Like to Join a Mandoline Support Group.

2007-02-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

Cole slaw that would have been made in half the time had I
been able to use my mandolin correctly.

Is there a mandoline support group out there somewhere? A forum for clumsies like me who cannot figure out how to use their new (and expensive) mandolins?
If so, I would very much like to join.e

A few weeks ago I bought a shiny, new mandoline that I was so excited to use. All day long at work, I daydreamed of coming home and slicing cabbage into little, thin pieces. I counted the hours until I could effortlessly slice away in my kitchen, watching delicate, slender strips whirl off the blades and into neat little piles on my counter.
Alas, disaster struck. Instead of producing beautiful and elegant slivers, the mandoline tore the leaves into huge, sloppy chunks, violently destroying the cabbage as well as my hopes and dreams.

In a fit of frustration, I hurled the cabbage mess onto the floor and stomped off to the computer to do some online research. I googled “mandoline directions.” No good. I googled “using a mandoline to slice cabbage.” Nothing. I even googled "mandoline retard" in hope that there was someone out there like me who could help. No success.
Disgruntled, I returned to the kitchen and glared at the mandoline and felt a little bit better when I saw how how ugly it looked with all that ruined food stuck between its teeth. But then I saw the box, and I became enraged again. The OXO box has a beautiful picture of red cabbage, all cut up into tiny, little pieces. Now I know for sure you should be able to slice cabbage on a mandoline!

OXO, you misled me. I bet you used a knife to cut that cabbage, didn't you? That’s what we had to do. My dinner guest got stuck doing it, because I was so exasperated by the entire experience. She did a great job slicing that cabbage the old-fashioned way. The knife worked great, OXO. But I was hoping the mandoline would work great, too.

So if anyone knows of a website that shows people in great detail how to slice cabbage on a mandoline, I would be eternally grateful for that knowledge.

In return, I offer you a tasty cole slaw recipe. Ewwwww…..cole slaw? Wait!
Before you say ewwwwww…..coleslaw again, hear me out. This isn’t real cole slaw! It does not have mayonnaise in it!
No mayonnaise, joy of joys! Instead, the dressing is a mixture of peanut butter, soy sauce, and other ingredients often found in Asian dishes. I would so much rather eat rice wine vinegar than mayonnaise.

I served this cole slaw with a beef and broccoli stir fry, but I see no reason why it can't accompany any meal that you would serve traditional cole slaw with.

Cole Slaw with Asian Flavors
~from All Recipes
~Note: This makes a lot of salad. If you would like the eat it the next day, split the vegetables in half and only add the dressing to half of the salad. Store the other half of the dressing separately, then combine when you are ready to eat. Otherwise, the dressing makes the cabbage go soggy overnight.

Ingredients:
* 6 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
* 6 tablespoons vegetable oil
* 5 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
* 3 tablespoons soy sauce
* 3 tablespoons brown sugar
* 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger root
* 1 1/2 tablespoons minced garlic

* 5 cups thinly sliced green cabbage
* 2 cups thinly sliced red cabbage
* 2 cups shredded napa cabbage
* 2 red bell peppers, thinly sliced
* 2 carrots, julienned
* 6 green onions, chopped
* 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:
First, make the dressing. In a medium bowl, whisk together the rice vinegar, oil, peanut butter, soy sauce, brown sugar, ginger, and garlic.

In a large bowl, mix the rest of the ingredients. Toss with the dressing just before serving.

I Promise This is My Last Taco Post Ever.

2007-02-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

After writing about a few delicious tacos I enjoyed in Guadalajara and Chicago, I should probably be finished with the taco topic and ready to move on to something else.
No! I can’t move on! One more taco post!
Maybe after today I’ll give it a rest.

It’s just that I can’t ever really stop thinking about tacos. In one bite, I have everything in my mouth that I could ever possibly need in life...a piece of corn tortilla, a morsel of flavorful meat, a slice of avocado, a crumble of queso fresco, a burst of cilantro...put a taco in front of my face, and all other worldly matters disappear as the taco becomes my entire universe.

It has become apparent to me that I am prone to exaggeration when it comes to tacos. I’m sorry, but I will make no apologies for my obsession.
Um...you can be sorry for not being sorry, right?

In any case, I do apologize for constantly raving about tacos when there are many people who don’t have access to a good taco joint. Especially one that serves tacos al pastor. If that is you, your worries are over. Fancy Toast offers you a delicious taco recipe that you can prepare in your own home. Sadly, this recipe is not for tacos al pastor. But happily, the deliciousness of these tacos might almost surpass that of tacos al pastor. Thank goodness, because how many people do you know who own their own taco al pastor roasting spit?

My friend Abbey and I created this recipe when we were preparing our New Year’s Feast. Actually, it was mostly Abbey who was the mastermind behind the deliciousness. The only contribution I can take credit for is the addition of alcohol and sugar. Are you surprised about that?

The meat was simmered in a bath of blended guajillo chiles, onions, and tequila until it became fork tender. After we shredded the meat, we added sugar and lime juice, and then (poof!) the magic ensued! There are no words for the utterly delightful flavors of that meat. I say ‘flavors’ in the plural form because there was such a depth of flavors that my tastebuds could not decide what to focus on. Sweet, spicy, salty, smokey...there was even a bitterness from the the chiles that was quite lovely.

I am at a loss to describe the taste of this taco meat. I think that maybe even Rick Bayless might be at a loss for words, and I don’t know if that man is ever at a loss for words. Sorry Rick Bayless, that was mean. I love you Rick Bayless. You have changed my life. Abbey and I could never have created this recipe without all the knowledge you have imparted to us.

Abbey’s Tacos
~Serves 12

Ingredients:
12 dried guajillo or ancho chiles
3 onions, roughly chopped
4-5 garlic cloves
1/2 cup tequila
1/2 cup lime juice, divided
salt
2 lbs. meat of your choice (pork shoulder or loin is delicious, but I have also successfully used chicken breast and thighs)
6 cups chicken broth
1/4 cup cane sugar (white or brown sugar will also work)

Directions:
Over high heat in a large pot, toast the chiles for about thirty seconds on each side until they turn lighter in color. Do not allow them to burn.

Once cool, cut off the stems and scrape out the seeds.
Put chiles in a bowl of hot water and soak for 10-15 minutes. It helps to put a plate over the chiles so that they are completely submerged. Reserve one cup of the soaking liquid.

In a blender, pulse the onions, garlic, chiles, and 1 cup of the reserved soaking liquid. Do not purée.
The mixture should reach a slightly chunky consistency.

Heat a tablespoon of oil in the pot. Add the contents of the blender, the tequila, one tablespoon of salt, and 1/4 cup lime juice. Cook for five minutes.
Add the meat. If you are using a large chunk of meat, you can dump it in there in one piece, or cut it into two or three smaller pieces.
Add enough chicken broth so that the meat is mostly submerged. You might not use all six cups of broth.
Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer, covered, until the meat is fork-tender. Depending on the type and cut of meat, this can take between 40-90 minutes.

Remove meat and allow to cool. Using two forks or your fingers, shred the meat into bite-sized pieces.
Meanwhile, tend to the sauce. If it is watery, increase the heat to let some of the liquid evaporate. This might take anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes.
Now the magic happens. Taste the sauce. Bitter, isn’t it?
Add sugar and stir. Taste again. Completely different! Somehow the sugar brings out other flavors that you couldn’t taste under the bitterness.
Add salt and lime juice to taste.
Add the shredded meat.

Spoon the meat onto a warm tortilla. Add as many other garnishes as you like, such as crumbled queso fresco, chopped onions, cilantro, avocado slices, radishes, beans, tomatoes, etc.

Notes:
This makes alot of taco meat. It freezes well, so make it all and then use it later!
This meat can also be used as fillings for other Mexican dishes: tamales, enchiladas, tostadas, etc.

Gin in the Morning

2007-01-28T10:06:00.000-08:00

I swear I do not have a drinking problem.
Just because this cocktail was made at 10:30 in the morning, does not mean that I am an alcoholic. The only reason this drink was made so early is because there is good lighting at 10 in the morning.
You might say, well, why don’t you wait until three o’clock in the afternoon? The lighting is still good then, and at least it’s the afternoon, a more reasonable time of the day to start drinking.
My answer to that sensible question is that at 3 o’clock today, I am going to be in my car driving. Would you rather that I drink this cocktail while I am driving?
No, I didn’t think so.

So. Then we have established that drinking at home in the morning is better than drinking on the road in the afternoon. Now that you are convinced that it’s okay to make a drink at 10:30 in the morning, let’s talk about the drink itself, instead of my drinking problem (which doesn’t exist, I swear).
In my mind, this cocktail was going to be ruby red, shimmering in the candlelight as I handed glasses to my guests as they walked in the door last night. In real life, however, the drink turned out light brown and shimmering in florescent light, because when my guests arrived, I was still cooking the soup and we ended up chatting under the stove light instead of by candlelight.
Big whoop. The drink might not have looked the way I hoped it would, but it tasted better than I ever imagined! Besides, pomegranates are so trendy these days- everyone expects a pomegranate drink to be red. So predictable! When a drink is supposed to be red, but it turns out brown, it keeps people thinking. But not thinking hard enough that they won’t sip it delightfully and exclaim how deliciously sweet and and tangy and bubbly it is.

Now, the question is, am I going to drink this cocktail when I am finished taking photos of it?
You bet I am. There’s actually not any gin in this one. I finished the bottle last night. Oops. Maybe I do have a problem.

Bubbly Pomegranate and Gin Cocktail - Delicious!
-adapted from various recipes on the internets

You can adjust the proportions to your taste. I ended up squeezing the lime garnish into the drink to make it a little less sweet.
2 parts jin*
1 part lime juice
1 part simple syrup
1/2 part pomegranate molasses (I found this in the baking aisle at Whole Foods...cheaper than pomegranate juice, and a little goes a long way)
2 sprigs of mint (bruised or torn into small pieces)
Club soda or seltzer water

In a shaker or with a stirrer, mix the first five ingredients with ice.
Pour into a glass that is filled with ice. Top with club soda.
Garnish with lime and mint.

*I misspelled gin on purpose so you would think I already had a few this morning. Gotcha.

bubbles!

Using Macaroni to Cultivate Awesomeness in Your Children

2007-01-24T04:05:00.000-08:00

When I have children, I am going to make this macaroni and cheese for them. But I’m going to make it real spicy so they can’t eat alot of it, and then there will be more for me and my husband.
Just to be nice, though, sometimes I’ll make it less spicy, and the kids will love it and crave it and beg me to make it, and then I will easily be able to get them to do things, like chores, homework, and my taxes. No macaroni and cheese for you until you do this and this and this.

The constant and obsessive hope for a nibble of this macaroni and cheese will hold the ultimate power over my children’s behavior. If they do their homework, it won’t be because they want to be smart, it will be because they know that if they get A’s, I will make this macaroni and cheese for them. If they practice the piano, it won’t be because of the inherent joy they find in making music, it will be because they know that for every Ligeti etude they master, there will be a plate of macaroni and cheese waiting for them when they get home from the recital. And if they turn out awesome all around, it won’t be because of awesome genes, or deluxe parenting skills, it will only because they want to be awesome for the sake of the macaroni.

Now, I know that you are not supposed to give children rewards for every little thing they do. It’s better to cultivate a healthy sense of intrinsic motivation, so your kids will do well for the sake of doing well, and not so they get stuff when they do well. Well, I used to agree with that perspective until I had this macaroni and cheese. Now it is clear to me that there is nothing wrong with extrinsic motivation, and I plan to use it accordingly to manipulate my children into turning out awesome.

I will say to my kids, “Hey kids, if you suck at anything, you don’t get any Bon Appétit macaroni. You just get Annie’s macaroni.” Annie’s is great, don’t get me wrong, but there are a lot of ‘great’ kids out there that don’t turn out to be anything special when they grow up. So don’t feed your kids Annie’s, unless you want them to turn out boring. Feed them Bon Appétit macaroni and cheese, and they will try harder to be awesome in general.

Macaroni and Cheese with Buffalo Chicken
~Bon Appétit Magazine, February 2007

For the Chicken:
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 1/2 tablespoons cayenne pepper
1 1/2 tablespoons paprika
1 1/2 tablespoons salt
1 1/2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 1/2 tablespoons ground coriander
2 cups whole milk
3 large eggs, beaten to blend
4 cups cornflakes, ground to crumbs in processor
1 pound chicken cutlets, cut crosswise into 1-inch-wide strips

Canola oil (for deep-frying)

Macaroni
1 pound small elbow macaroni
2 cups chopped green onions (about 8 large)
2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano
8 tablespoons (1 stick) butter, divided
3 cups chopped onions
2 large garlic cloves, chopped
1/2 cup all purpose flour
4 cups whole milk
1 pound extra-sharp cheddar cheese, coarsely grated
8 ounces provolone cheese, coarsely grated (I used monterey jack)
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 cup hot pepper sauce (be careful with this; I only used 1/4 cup and it was still very spicy)

For chicken:
Whisk first 6 ingredients in deep medium bowl to blend. Place milk in second bowl, eggs in third bowl, and ground cornflakes in fourth bowl. Working with 4 chicken strips at a time, place in flour mixture and toss to coat. Dip same chicken strips into milk, then eggs, then cornflake crumbs, coating with each; arrange on sheet of foil.

Pour oil into heavy medium saucepan to depth of 2 inches. Attach deep-fry thermometer to side of pan; heat oil to 335°F to 350°F. Working in batches, add coated chicken strips to hot oil and fry until golden and cooked through, turning occasionally, about 3 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer chicken strips to paper towels to drain. Cut strips into 1-inch-long pieces.

For macaroni:
Cook macaroni in large pot of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite. Drain; transfer to very large bowl. Mix in green onions and oregano.

Melt 6 tablespoons butter in same large pot over medium heat. Add 3 cups chopped onions and garlic. Cover; sauté until onions are soft but not brown, stirring often, about 6 minutes. Add flour; stir 2 minutes. Gradually whisk in milk. Bring to boil, whisking constantly. Reduce heat and simmer sauce 2 minutes. Add all cheeses, paprika, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper. Whisk until cheeses melt and sauce is smooth, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat. Season to taste with more salt and pepper, if desired. Mix cheese sauce into macaroni. Mix in chicken pieces. Mound mixture in 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish (I have used a baking dish for family style, and ramekins for single servings).

Preheat oven to 350°F. Stir hot pepper sauce and remaining 2 tablespoons butter in small saucepan over medium heat until butter melts; spoon 4 tablespoons over macaroni in dish. Bake macaroni uncovered until heated through, about 30 minutes, or 45 minutes if made ahead. Serve, passing remaining butter and hot-sauce mixture separately.

Makes 12 servings.

One-Handed Dump Cake

2007-01-15T15:07:00.000-08:00

Undoubtedly, there will be times when the trammels of everyday life prevent you from having enough time to make dessert. The leisure time in your day becomes lamentably overwhelmed by mundane, necessary activities that simply cannot be avoided, such as going to to work, doing actual work while you are at work, cleaning the bathroom, and practicing Journey covers on the viola (the last is a highly enjoyable activity, but it nevertheless detracts from my weekly allotted dessert-making time).

Despite these time-consuming tasks that manage to take up most of the day, dessert is occasionally a necessity that cannot be neglected. Unfortunately, sometimes you don’t even have four minutes with which to make a dessert, no matter how much your heart aches to be in the kitchen, cracking eggs, spilling flour, and gazing adoringly at your whirring KitchenAid.

To the ubiquitous human plight of not having enough time to make dessert, I present a solution to you: Dump Cake. The essence of dump cake lies in the efficient act of the Dumping of pantry ingredients that have an indefinite shelf life and can be ready for use at a moment’s notice. No shopping required, and as an added bonus, no stirring required! Whether you are in the midst of preparing a last-minute dinner party for friends you love, or slapping a dessert together for a potluck that you don’t really want to go to anyway, the process is the same. You simply dump the ingredients into a pan, spread them around, and stick the pan in the oven. Then you are done!

Dump cake fits busy schedules perfectly; its low-maintenance preparation allows you the convenience of doing two things at once, because you only need one hand to make dump cake. One hand does the dumping, while the other is left completely free to complete other necessary daily tasks that only require the use of one arm, such as:

feeding a fish
dribbling a basketball
holding a baby on your hip
doing shots of tequila
doing shots of tequila while holding a baby on your hip
playing “Iron Man” on the recorder (as long as you don’t start lower than ‘A’)
participating in a fencing tournament
picking your nose
picking your friend’s nose
signaling a right turn
playing tennis (only forehand strokes)
acting out Hamlet with finger puppets
practicing jazz hand
making a second dump cake

Admittedly, dump cake is not a a dessert of high caliber. It is not the sort of dessert that lends a feeling of accomplishment upon pulling it out of the oven and setting it down on the table at an elegant dinner party. There are other desserts that are more impressive, and there are other desserts that are more delicious. But- there are not many other desserts that taste this good that can be prepared in under four minutes. This cake really does taste good. The first time I read about it on the internet, I thought it was a joke. No stirring? Upon more googling, however, I found that dump cake is a guilty pleasure that many Americans take comfort in. So if you need a tasty dessert within the next hour, and you’re not trying to impress anyone, make dump cake. Your guests will love it, and if they don’t love it, they’ll at least like it, and they'll certainly be entertained when you tell them how it is made.

No stirring necessary; the cake mix absorbs the fruit juices
and transforms into a cobbler-like consistency.

Dump Cake
1 20 oz. can crushed pineapple
1 16 oz. can cherry pie filling
1 package yellow white cake mix
1 stick of butter, cut into thin slices (or just melt it if you’re really pressed for time)

Preheat oven to 350ºF.
Dump crushed pineapple and juices into a 13 x 9 inch baking pan.
Dump cherries.
Dump cake mix.
Dump butter slices (or drizzle the melted butter over top of the cake mix).
Bake for 30-50 minutes, until the top of the cake is golden-brown.
Serve as is, or with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Other variations include:
Omit the pineapple juice, use 2 cans of cherry pie filling, and use chocolate cake mix instead of yellow. Mmmmmm....that sounds delicious!
Or, sprinkle some sweetened, shredded coconut before you add the butter. You can also sprinkle chopped pecans before you add the butter.
Or, use apple pie filling and a mix for spice cake.
The options are endless!
Aren’t you so glad you know about dump cake now?

Mexico!

2007-01-07T09:01:00.000-08:00

In Guadalajara, Mexico, a man assembles a taco al pastor.

Ah, I distinctly remember my first street taco in Mexico. Already I am nostalgic for a moment that occurred only last week!

Allow me to reminisce.

Last week, my friends and my husband and I, joyous yet ravenous upon our arrival into the new country, stood in a dorky circle on a cobblestone street in Guadalajara. We smiled at each other through our tacos and joyfully proclaimed our meal’s magnificence in between sloppy bites of crispy al pastor goodness. Even though salsa was occasionally missing my mouth and splattering all over the sidewalk and my toes, I do believe that it was my favorite taco experience ever. When I am eighty years old and someone asks me to please list the top ten taco highlights of my life, there is no doubt that this one will remain my favorite taco experience for all eternity.

shaving pork from a spit for a delicious taco al pastor

When people travel abroad, they often learn things about themselves. One thing I learned about myself while I was in Mexico is that I would be perfectly happy if I could stay in Mexico for the rest of my life, but only on the condition that I could also eat eat a taco al pastor every single day of that life, and that the taco would have to be purchased from one of the many taco vendors that line Guadalajara’s streets and plazas. For my daily taco, I would like to watch the man above shave the pork off of a steaming spit, grill it into little, crispy, wonderful bits, shovel it into a soft, warm, corn tortilla, and smother it with onions, cilantro, and salsa.

garnishes for the wonderful tacos
(chopping block and various meats in the background)

I apologize for not having a picture of the glorious tacos themselves, but seriously, once you get one of those babies in your hands, there is no desire to take a pretty picture of it. There exists only the overwhelming urge to put it in your mouth. (For a picture of a similar-looking taco made at a restaurant in Chicago, see this post).

Taqueria de Los Faroles, one of our taco al pastor stops,
conveniently located across the street from the hotel.

If you ever have the chance to visit Mexico, be sure to shell out five pesos (a little less than fifty cents!) for a delightful taco al pastor, or five of them if you're hungry. It just might be your favorite meal of the entire trip.

a taco making a taco

Some other highlights of our visit, some food related and some not at all:

Metropolitan Cathedral in downtown Guadalajara

so many beautiful sights to take in while walking down the city streets!

Metropolitan Cathedral from a different angle

This is the inside of Mercado Libertad, an enormous three-story market with restaurants, produce, groceries, clothing, and many many many other items. There, I ate goat for the first time. You will not see a picture I took of the goat stew (called birria), because if you see the picture, you will probably never want to try goat meat ever. Fatty and bony, and lit by fluorescent lights, the birria did not look appetizing at all.
But it tasted wonderful!

maracas in the Mercado Libertad

piggies at the market

a pretty building I should know the name of but I don't but I don't care because it's pretty

Papel Picado (a Mexican art form of cutting paper) hanging in a courtyard in Tlaquepaque

A Huichol Indian woman selling her crafts in Tlaquepaque.

Street musician

Cobblestone streets

Tequila...mmmm..........

At the Jose Cuervo Factory in Tequila, these are piñas, the hearts of agave plants. They are waiting to be put into ovens, where their starches will be transformed into sugars. After steaming in the ovens for quite some time, the piñas are cooled, milled into small pieces, and pressed. The pressed juices are then fermented, distilled, and sometimes aged. We sampled tequila at each stage of the process, from the roasted piñas themselves to 100% tequila that had been aged in oak barrels.

an agave plant just outside of the town of Tequila

The church in the town center of Tequila (if you look closely, you can see a man on top of the church) .

Driving from Guadalajara towards the coast. What a beautiful country!

More driving. Not a bad view at all!

A beautiful morning at the Banderas Bay on the west coast of Mexico. I hope I can return
soon to this amazing country.

A New Fling: Banana Bread with Booze and Raisins

2006-12-24T09:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I decided it was time to break up with my banana bread recipe from The Joy of Cooking. I’m not really sure what possessed me to make this sudden life change, as things were really going great for us. It’s just that our relationship was becoming so familiar, so comfortable, and I was itching for a something new.

It was very difficult to initiate the break-up. I had it to do it in person, of course. You can’t text message someone you love that you are going to break up with them, just like you can’t text message banana bread that you are going to be using a different recipe from now on. It’s just not the right thing to do.

As I opened up The Joy of Cooking to give it the bad news, my heart collapsed with guilt when the book opened automatically to the banana bread recipe. Was it true love, or was it because of all the crap that I have spilled on those welcoming pages throughout the years? I do hope the latter is true, otherwise I have wasted my beautiful, brown, almost-rotten bananas on a new recipe that might not work out.

The recipe was overwhelmed with despair when I informed it of my situation. As it pleaded with me and listed reason after reason why we should stay together and try to make it work, I insisted that the good times were over...that things were wonderful while they lasted, but that it was time move on. I lovingly caressed its spattered pages, wiped away its tears (or maybe those were butter stains), and I closed the book.

Call me a recipe slut if you will, but the Joy of Cooking was not closed for even three seconds before I opened up Nigella Lawson’s How to Be a Domestic Goddess. I don’t know...maybe I should have given my emotions some time to settle. Maybe I should have stayed single for awhile before venturing out into the sea of banana recipes. But it’s so easy to move on when the first recipe you are attracted to has booze and golden raisins in it! And we all know that if anything can tempt a girl into a rebound relationship, it’s booze and raisins.

How is the new fling going? So far, pretty good. The bread hasn’t been sliced yet, so I can’t share any intimate details, but our getting-to-know-you stage is progressing just fine. I’d have to say that for once it’s fun to get to know someone before hastily jumping in and getting romantic right away. The anticipation is half of the fun. What will the new banana bread taste like? Will it it have a moist yet fluffy texture? Will it soothe me when I am sad? Will it make me laugh? Will it rub my back after a long day at work?
I definitely have my doubts...maybe I have too many expectations for Nigella’s loaf. What if it’s flat and soggy? What if it tastes more like flour than bananas? What if it’s boring, self-absorbed, and drinks Yellowtail?

There is so much to find out about this new recipe. As I introduce it to my family during our first Christmas together, I will undoubtedly learn more about its strengths and weaknesses. More details to come.

Banana Bread with Booze and Golden Raisins
~from Nigella Lawson's How to Be a Domestic Goddess: Baking and the Art of Comfort Cooking
1/2 cup golden raisins
6 tbs. bourbon or dark rum (I used brandy because that's what I had)
1 cup plus 2 tbs. flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup sugar
2 large eggs
4 small, very ripe bananas, mashed
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
1 tsp. vanilla extract
9 x 5 loaf pan, buttered and floured, or with paper insert

Put the golden raisins and rum or bourbon in a smallish saucepan and bring to a boil.
Remove from heat, cover, and leave for an hour if you can, or until the raisins have absorbed most of the liquid, then drain (or drink).

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees and get started on the rest. Put the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium-sized and, using your hands or a wooden spoon, combine well. In a large bowl, mix the melted butter and sugar and beat until blended. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then the mashed bananas. Then, with your wooden spoon, stir in the walnuts, drained raisins, and vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture, a third at a time, stirring well after each bit. Scrape into the loaf pan and bake in the middle of the oven for 1 to 1 1/4 hours. When it’s ready, an inserted toothpick should come out cleanish. Leave in the pan on a rack to cool, and eat thickly or thinly sliced, as you prefer.
Makes 8-10 slices.

Variation:
Replace 2 tbs. flour with good cocoa powder and add 4 ounces of bittersweet chocolate, cut up into smallish chunks (or use chocolate chips).

Beautiful, almost-rotten bananas. Perfect for baking!

Almond-Orange-Poppy Seed-Chocolate-Apricot-Ricotta Torte

2006-12-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

Oh no, too many wonderful flavors all at once, make it stop!
How can they possibly taste good when they are all thrown together like that?
Surprisingly, they do. I don’t know how it is possible for each of those ingredients to come together in one dessert without them getting in a brawl and seriously injuring themselves, but somehow they all get along and bring out the best in each other.

The almond torte is refreshing and light, yet still a substantial dessert. It is both fruity AND chocolat-ey, but not too fruity, and not too chocolat-ey. The poppy seeds lend a bit of texture, while the ricotta keeps it moist and delicate.

Your guests will enjoy themselves while trying to identify the many flavors:

“Is that orange zest I smell?”

“Do I taste poppy seeds?”

“I detect a hint of almond, I do, I do.”

“These chocolate shavings are divine!”

“I taste apricot, but I don’t see it.
Where is it? Where are you hiding, little apricot?”

“And what makes this torte so moist? Why, it must be ricotta! I knew it!”

When you confirm all of your guests’ ingredient hypotheses, they will be delighted.
But not as delighted as you when your guests leave, and you slip into the kitchen for sliver after sliver after sliver of torte, and try to figure out what it is about this torte that is so delicious and different from other tortes, and why you want it in your mouth all the time.

Almond-Orange-Poppy Seed-Chocolate-Apricot-Ricotta Torte
~adapted from Jame Oliver's Jamie's Kitchen

Ingredients (all at room temperature)
1/2 cup butter
4 1/2 ounces almonds (Jamie uses hazelnuts; I couldn't find any)
3/4 cup sugar
4 large eggs, separated
zest of 1 orange (oh so easy if you own a microplane grater!)
3 tablespoons flour
4 1/2 ounces ricotta cheese
2 tablespoons poppy seeds
a pinch of salt
3 heaping tablespoons apricot jam (I used apricot and cherry)
1 3/4 ounces good quality dark chocolate, finely grates (another job for the microplane!)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Butter or spray an 11-inch loose-bottomed tart pan and line with wax paper.
Toast almonds (or hazelnuts) on a baking sheet for about 5 minutes, until lightly golden and aromatic.
Allow them to cool, then 'whiz' them up in a food processor until you have a fine powder. Jamie says, "Be careful not to overwhiz."

Wash and dry the bowl of the food processor, then beat the butter and sugar until pale (alternatively, use a whisk). Add the egg yolks, one by one, and the orange zest.
Stir in the flour, ricotta, almond powder, and poppy seeds.
In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites and a pinch of salt until stiff. Fold them into the almond mixture. Pour the mixture into the tart pan and bake for 25-30 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean and the top has some golden-brown color to it.
While the torte is cooling, cook the jam in a small saucepan with 4 tablespoons of water. Bring to boil and brush the glaze over the torte.
When the torte is cool, sprinkle the torte with the grated chocolate.
Jamie recommends serving with crème fraîche.

Yay for Husbands who Bake!

2006-12-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

Imagine my joy when I came home from work yesterday and saw a sink full of dirty dishes.
I promise you I am not being sarcastic when I say that my prevailing emotion really was joy.

What was the reason for such jubilation?

I will tell you, if you promise not to be jealous.
It was the sight of the unwashed mixing bowl, besmeared with creamy and velvety batter.
What?
Someone has been baking?
Who could it be?
What could it be?

Then I saw it. A beautiful, golden loaf resting upon the counter.

My husband has been making pound cake again!

Who is the luckiest girl?
Me! I am! I am the luckiest girl! My husband made pound cake and I get to eat it!
Even better, I get to sleep in on a Saturday morning, stumble into the sunny kitchen where he is already busy grinding coffee beans, and sigh happily at the sight of the cake, glowing in the sunshine, only half-eaten.

Life is good.

Husband’s Pound Cake
~from Williams-Sonoma

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
12 Tbs. (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter,
at room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. almond extract (optional)
2 eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cup sour cream, at room temperature

Directions:
Preheat an oven to 325°F. Lightly grease an 8 1⁄2-by-4 1⁄2-inch loaf pan, preferably glass, and dust with flour.

In a bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda and salt until blended. In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat together the butter, sugar, vanilla and almond extract on medium to medium-high speed until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition until just blended. Sprinkle half of the flour mixture over the egg mixture and stir until both are just incorporated. Stir in the sour cream, then sprinkle with the remaining flour mixture and stir until evenly distributed.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan and tap gently on the counter to even out and settle the ingredients. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 70 minutes, or longer if using a metal pan. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool for 15 minutes.

Run a thin knife around the inside of the pan, invert the cake onto the rack and lift off the pan. Place the cake on one of its sides and continue cooling. Serve warm or at room temperature. Serves 8 to 10.

pure joy

Does My Blog Look Good in This?

2006-12-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

It does, hooray!
Does My Blog Look Good in This? results for October 2006 were recently posted at Spittoon Extra, and this Fancy Toast photograph (from a previous post) tied for third place.
Kickass!
There were so many other beautiful pictures that were entered by the other food bloggers...I am excited to be a part of the collection, and happy to have learned of some new blogs that I will now be visiting daily.
Please stop by Andrew's site to view the winners and the rest of the entries.

Sad, Sad Cranberry Relish

2006-12-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

Sad, sad cranberry relish.
Amidst the bustle of Thanksgiving dinner, no one remembered to put it out on the table.
There it sat in the back of the fridge, just waiting for someone to notice the lack of a certain ruby hue on the dinner plates.
But no one noticed.
No one missed the celebration and merriment that he cranberry relish could have happily, scarletly, provided.
Perhaps because it was so incredibly easy to make, it escaped our consciousness as the flurry of the Thanksgiving plating ensued. Thank goodness for the apricot brandy in it, which is possibly extending its refrigerator life, allowing us to relish the relish more than a week after the holiday for which it was created.

It really is unfortunate that the relish was neglected, because it is so very delicious. Scooped up in a forkful alongside any cut of meat, nudged up on top of a piece of bread, accidentally swept up with a morsel of stuffing, it adds a cheery, citrus note to every mouthful.
Not too sweet…a chunk of orange peel thrown into the food processor lends it a tart edginess. I was overzealous in my orange-peel-adding, and as a result the relish became too bitter. But, thanks to my recent obsession with all things cherry, some cherry preserves in the fridge sweetened the relish and balanced the flavors flawlessly.

I realize it is a little late to be suggesting Thanksgiving courses. But I would say that this relish, which can be put together in three to six minutes, depending on how long it takes you to peel an orange and unscrew a bottle of booze, is a bright, fresh side that can complement many hearty meals, holiday-themed or not.

Cranberry-Orange Relish (takes four minutes, seriously)

12 oz. bag of cranberries, picked through to remove the icky ones
1 orange, peeled
1 piece of orange peel (about 2 inches by 2 inches)
1 apple, peeled and diced
2 tablespoons of apricot brandy, or any fruit-infused liquor (optional)
¼ cup of cherry preserves
¼ cup of apricot preserves
sugar, to taste (optional…if your preserves are sweet enough, you will not need sugar)

Throw above ingredients into a blender or food processor. Pulse until the cranberries have broken down and only the occasional whole cranberry remains. Do not blend into a purée.
Add more ingredients according to your taste. Too sweet? Add more orange peel. Too bitter? Add more preserves.
That’s it, you’re done!

Ravioli, Sans Pasta

2006-11-27T19:08:00.000-08:00

Roasted Butternut Squash Purée with Caramelized Onion, Goat Cheese and Sage

Oh, golden and luxurious ravioli filling, I hereby elevate your status from ‘filling’ to ‘side dish.’ By means of this declaration, you may finally rid yourself of the confines of your bland pasta encasements and bask in your own squishy squashy glory. Your epicurean rank now is equal to that of mashed potatoes and creamed corn.

So...I hope I am not being lazy when I make homemade ravioli and leave out the ravioli. It’s just that I’m not good at making homemade pasta. I’m much better at helping my friends make homemade pasta, which means that I lovingly turn the crank of the pasta machine with one hand and hold a wine glass (more lovingly) in the other hand. Friends, whilst you slave over piles of eggy flour and clumps of sticky, uncooked ravioli, I sit at the kitchen island spooning velvety mouthfuls of squash into my mouth when your backs are turned.

Since that joyful November evening during which when I ‘helped’ my friends make ravioli, I have made this ravioli filling twice as a side. It stands on its own, splendidy, and has the potential to surpass your main course.

Roasted Butternut Squash Purée with Caramelized Onion, Goat Cheese and Sage
~adapted from Butternut Squash Ravioli Recipe at epicurious.com
1.5 pounds of butternut squash
2 tablespoons butter
2 onions, diced
1 clove garlic, pressed through garlic press
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1-2 tablespoons fresh sage, chopped finely
3 oz. goat cheese

Preheat oven to 375 degrees faranheit.
Cut the squash into two halves and scrape out the seeds. Discard seeds (or save for garnish).
Place the squash cut side down onto a baking sheet. Bake for about an hour, until the squash is tender and easily pierced with a fork.
Set aside to cool

Meanwhile, prepare the onions by cooking them over medium-low heat in the butter for about twenty-five minutes. Add the sage and garlic about halfway through the cooking time. When the onions are soft, dark, and caramelized, take them off the heat and stir in the goat cheese.

When the squash has cooled, scrape the flesh into a bowl.
Add the onion mixture.
Using a hand mixture, blend the squash and onions until smooth and creamy. Alternatively, use a food processor.
Season to taste.

A Single Tear Drips off a Prepubescent Moustache

2006-11-15T04:44:00.000-08:00

Erielle is in a horrid mood today. She yelled at some students at school this morning, and she didn't yell quietly. The two children (well, one of them has a moustache so it is doubtful whether or not he can be considered a child) were not doing anything intentionally malicious, thus, the remainder of the class is now terrified of their crazy teacher.

Now safely locked in her office, Erielle is disappointed in her irrational anger, which tends to surface randomly and cannot be suppressed. Still fuming, she plans to squelch her lingering fury by checking out the newest German porn sites during her planning time. To hell with the censors on the school computers. Let them come and get her and cart her away.

On second thought, Erielle decides she is not interested in porn sites today, and will instead eat the entire plate of chocolate cherry cookies that she made especially for her students but too bad for them they’re a bunch of jerks and they’re not going to get any.

In the event that the consumption of these cookies does not diminish Erielle’s angst, please list further anxiety-relieving procedures that come to your minds, preferably those that can be followed within the confines of a windowless cube that is engulfed by the cacophony of a seventh grade band that is playing the same song that the seventh grade band has been playing every single goddamnit year for the five years of Erielle’s short-lived career as a mean middle school orchestra director who makes pre-teens cry.

Optional objects or mediums available in windowless cube for anxiety-relieving procedures:
-random, broken, inexpensive musical instruments that sound like crap
-the internet
-a scanner
-a toolbox
-lunch
-a co-worker's lunch
-a grizzly bear costume
-a stop sign
-a bottle of ibuprofen and about 140 bandaids
-$8.36 in ones and change
-two unopened tubes of Krazy Glue

(Events in this dramatization have been modified. Erielle has not made any students cry for at least 1.5 years, and she doesn’t visit German porn sites. She does, however, have students with prepubescent moustaches, and prepubescent moustaches gross her out, so she likes those students less. They don’t get any cookies.)

Chocolate Cherry Cookies
from Cooking Light

The cocoa powder gives these cookies a wonderfully strong chocolate flavor, and the dried cherries give each bite a fruity tang. There is not even a full stick of butter in the recipe, and only on egg, but somehow the cookies turn out chewy and moist with a crunchy outside. What more can you want from cookie?

1 cup flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder (I used Shaffern-Berger, the good stuff, but if you’re making it for ungrateful middle school students who don’t know how to behave, just use Hershey’s cocoa powder)
½ tsp. baking powder
¼ tsp. baking soda
¼ tsp. salt

1/3 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 egg

2/3 cup dried cherries (I use a cup)
3 tbs. chocoloate chips (surprise, I use about 6 tbs.)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a small bowl, combine the dry ingredients and whisk until combined.

In a mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar.
Add the egg and the vanilla and mix until blended.

Gradually add the dry ingredients, scraping down the side of the bowl to incorporate all of the batter.

Fold in the chips and the cherries.

Scoop tablespoons of batter onto a greased baking sheet.
Bake for 12 minutes, then let cookies sit on baking sheet for an additional 5 minutes. They will not look done when they come out of the oven, but they will continue to cook on the baking sheet.

Guess what, NYC...Chicago has its Own Magnolia Bakery, Except It’s Not Cupcakes, It's Sausages!

2006-11-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

Mushroom and Garden Vegetable Chicken Sausage
with Shiitake-Chevre Sauce and Sun-Dried Tomatoes

You may or may not be aware of the infamous Magnolia Bakery in NYC, whose charm and whose cupcakes are supposedly so irresistible that New Yorkers and tourists (mostly tourists) have been observed waiting in lines that that wrap around the corner and stretch for blocks. (thanks to Amateur Gourmet for the video link.)

Like many, I learned of Magnolia bakery when SNL's "Lazy Sunday" skit skyrocketed the bakery’s appeal to millions. I have not visited Magnolia Bakery, therefore I am not at liberty to comment on either the quality of the cupcakes or what makes this place such a sweet-tooth magnet. But - rumor has it that the cupcakes do not live up to the expectations of those who have waited in the line.

Well, there might not be as many people in Chicago as there are in NYC, but we certainly have an establishment whose wrap-around-the-corner-lines are worth the wait, and isn’t it fitting for our city that it is a restaurant that showcases ground meat?

Hot Doug’s
The Sausage Superstore and Encased Meat Emporium

“There are no two finer words in the English language than,
‘encased meats,’ my friend.”
-Secret Robbie

I feasted at Hot Doug’s for the first time yesterday, and I am simultaneously gladdened and saddened by the experience. I am gladdened, simply because Hot Doug’s exists, but I am saddened because I live on the opposite end of the city from Hot Doug’s, and forty minutes is too long to drive for a wiener, at least on a regular basis.

No, what am I saying? No distance is too far, and no wait is too long for these exceptional, gourmet sausages! Not only does Doug serve a wide assortment of sausage types, but the condiment combinations he dishes up are mouth-wateringly too good to be true.

Take a look at this Specials menu and tell me you wouldn’t experience difficulty choosing just one wiener from this list:

Go ahead, look me in the eye and tell me you would rather eat a cupcake than “Portugese Linguica with Saffron Rouille and Romao Sheep's Milk Cheese.”

Portugese Linguica with Saffron Rouille and Romao Sheep's Milk Cheese

What is linguica? Why, I'm glad you asked. It is Portugese sausage that is seasoned with onions, garlic, and paprika. What’s a rouille? I can tell you that, too. It’s a sauce that consists of olive oil with bread or breadcrumbs with spices.

If 'linguica' and 'rouille' were not previously in your vocabulary, than your epicurean lexicon was just improved by this vicarious e-visit to Chicago's fanciest hot dog joint.
Do you you think you could learn new words by eating cupcakes?
I think not.
Don't think I am smack-talking cupcakes. I enjoy a good cupcake now and then. But right now I so gastronomically elated about my meal at Hot Doug's that I cannot think about anything else, especially cupcakes, which are just distracting in general.

I left Hot Doug's with a happy heaviness in my belly, which was created not only by the best sausage experience of my life, but also by the heavenly duck fat fries. I hope there is duck fat in heaven. I also hope that in heaven, blood orange mustard cream is lovingly poured over gourmet sausages. I even hope there are cupcakes. I just hope you don’t have to wait in line for any of those things.

There's Doug, chatting with a customer behind his framed citation
from the city of Chicago warning him to stop serving foie gras.
Doug is a condiment genius AND he's sassy!

Saucisse de Toulouse with Blood Orange Mustard Cream, Fromage Chaume and Fwah Graa(TM) "Butter"

Smoked Rattlesnake Sausage with Apricot-Dijon Sauce and Blue Cheese
drizzled with Truffle Honey

The joint was packed!

Hot Doug’s
3324 North California
Chicago, IL 60618
Phone: (773) 279-9550

Hot Doug's even has its own theme song!

The Best Pork Tacos in Chicago and a Shameless Plug for my String Quartet

2006-11-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

taco al pastor at Arturo's, yum!

Have you ever said to yourself that someday you would really like to start listening to more classical music?
Might you have also said to yourself that one of these days, you will really stop spending so much money eating out?

This Friday, you can begin to fulfill both of those resolutions, for only $4 plus the price of drinks. This is how:

Go to Arturo’s on Western and Armitage Avenues.
Nibble complimentary chips and fresh salsa.
Treat yourself to a flavorful taco al pastor.
Savor the flavorful meat that has been marinated, spiced, and vertically broiled on a rotisserie.
Take advantage of the fresh taco garnishes, which are always plentiful and delicious. Only the avocados cost extra. Totally worth it.
Sigh with pork-filled contentment, and roll on over to Danny’s.
Grab a drink from the bar.
Relax, sip your booze, and listen to a free concert by Quartet Parapluie.
Attend post-concert dance party.
Go back to Arturo’s for a post-dance-party taco al pastor.

wonderfully fresh and spicy salsa

Yes, you can find a less expensive pork taco in Chicago, but it probably won’t taste better than it will at Arturo’s. And yes, you can find a string quartet that’s better than Quartet Parapluie, but you’ll probably have to fork up alot of cash for tickets, and you certainly won’t be able to drink booze while you listen to the performance.
No fun!
Come and see us instead!

We’ll be playing Ralph Vaughan William’s String Quartet in G minor, and Maurice Ravel’s String Qaurtet in F Major. For fans of the movie The Royal Tennenbaums, the second movement of this piece was played at the very beginning of the movie when the family members were being introduced. You’d recognize the piece if you heard it…it begins with fast, joyful pizzicato (plucking of the strings)…it may very well be one of the most joyful beginnings to any piece of music ever written.

Pork tacos and Ravel in one night. Can life get any better?

Quartet Parapluie at Danny’s
Friday, November 11th, 2006 @ 8:30 p.m.
1951 W. Dickens, Chicago, IL

Arturo’s Tacos
2001 N. Western, Chicago, IL

the ceiling at Arturo's

Dahling, you simply MUST get a microplane grater.

2006-11-04T13:50:00.000-08:00

Roasted Acorn Squash Soup with Parmesan Crisp And Toasted Squash Seeds

I got one!
I am so happpppeeeeeeeeeee!

If you have never used a microplane grater, then you have never experienced the magic of effortlessly transforming a hard chunk of parmesan into a billowy cloud of wispy curls that is four times the size of the original piece of cheese.

BEFORE:

AFTER!

If you have used a microplane grater before, you are thinking, “Oh, isn’t she cute. Yes, I remember my first time using a microplane grater. I was so young and stupid then. But now I am experienced and wise.”

For years I had meaning to buy a microplane grater, but every time I saw one, I decided there was something else that I needed more.
On my ongoing list titled "Things-That-I-Really-Want-To-Buy-But-That-Are-
Not-Essential-To-My-Happiness," a microplane grater was between a salad spinner and a fat separator.

I was so young and stupid then. But now I have a microplane grater, and now I am experienced and wise, and also happy. And now I can make parmesan crisps in the blink of an eye.

BEFORE:

AFTER!

And assuming I still have an acorn squash sitting on my counter from a trip to the farmer’s market more than a month ago, I can make acorn squash soup with parmesan crisps in 10,800 blinks of an eye. That’s assuming it takes an hour for the soup to cook, and you blink three times per second. Hmmmm….I just tried that for about twenty seconds but now my eyelids hurt. I will re-compute. Blinking twice per second for an hour is a more practical pace and it comes out to 7,200 blinks of an eye.

Acorn Squash Soup with Parmesan Crisps in 7,200 Blinks of an Eye
For the soup:
1 acorn squash
3 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 small onion, chopped
3 medium carrots, peeled and chopped
2 cups vegetable broth (or more if you prefer a thinner consistency)
¼ orange juice
¼ cup half & half or milk or a combination of both

For the parmesan crisps:
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated with your handy-dandy microplane grater

For the Sweet and Spicy Toasted Squash Seeds
(technique and recipe adapted from Heidi at 101 Cookbooks)
1 egg white
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon brown suger
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper

Prepare the squash:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Cut open acorn squash and scrape out seeds. Reserve seeds.
Place squash halves on baking sheet, cut sides up.
Spread butter on squash and sprinkle with salt.
Bake for 45 minutes, until flesh is browning on top and can be easily pierced with a fork.
When squash is done, raise the temperature of the oven to 400 degrees F for the crisps.

While the squash is roasting, prepare the seeds….
Rinse seeds and dry on a paper towel.
Whisk egg white and stir in spices.
Add seeds to egg mixture and stir well.
Drain extra egg whites and spread seeds on a baking shee lined with parchment paper.
Bake in oven for 12 – 15 minutes (you can bake the seeds while the squash is roasting).

While the seeds are roasting, prepare the soup….
Sauté onions over medium high heat until softened.
Add carrot and cook for three minutes.
Add broth and cook for 15-20 minutes, until carrots are soft.
Pour broth mixture into blender.
When the squash is ready, scrape the flesh into the blender.
Add the orange juice and the half & half.
Blend until creamy.
If the soup is too thick, add more broth or milk as needed.
Season to taste.

And now, for the parmesan crips...
Raise the temperature of the oven to 400 degrees F.
Spoon heaping tablespoons of grated parmesan onto a baking sheet (about 3 inches apart). Success is guaranteed if you use a silicone mat (I love my SILPAT).
Bake for 3-5 minutes until cheese is golden and crispy. Do not let the cheese become too brown, or the flavor is overpowering.

Amost done….
Ladle the soup into bowls. Sprinkle with toasted seeds. Garnish with a parmesan crisp.

Two Ways to Ensure your Husband’s Eternal Love

2006-10-30T18:42:00.000-08:00

Devastatingly Rich Dark Chocolate Cheesecake

Two Ways to Ensure your Husband’s Eternal Love:

1. Braise his dinner in beer.
2. Make him a cheesecake and put a pound of chocolate in it.

I’m pretty sure these techniques work. Not that I need my husband to love me more (I’m pretty sure he loves me more than I love him), but just in case…

Husbands love beer. I don’t know any husbands that don’t love beer, and I am presently going through the list of all the husbands that I know and I cannot think of one that does not love beer.
Husbands also like ribs. True love is guaranteed forever if you brown some short ribs in a Dutch oven, sautée some onions and other vegetables in it, toss in some rosemary and a bay leaf, pour in a bottle of beer, cover it up, throw it in the oven, let it braise for a few hours, take out the ribs whose tender meat is falling off the bones, brush the ribs with a rosemary-infused maple glaze, and put them under the broiler until their sweet, herby crusts are bubbling and crispy.

short ribs before braising

After you have eaten the ribilicious dinner and your husband has confirmed his everlasting adoration of your existence, present him with a devastatingly rich chocolate cheesecake that has more than a pound of chocolate in it, if you count the 9 oz. of chocolate in the cake, the 9 oz. of chocolate in the crust, and the 6 oz. of chocolate in the topping. Oh, Nellie!

Instead of typing out Molly Stevens' recipe for Short Ribs Braised in Porter Ale with Maple-Rosemary Glaze, I will refer you to her glorious cookbook, All About Braising. The reason I am not typing out the recipe is that you should go and buy this cookbook already. Ummm…also… I don’t want to get in trouble with Molly Stevens for giving away too many of her recipes. No one likes getting sued by their idol.

As for the deep dark chocolate cheesecake recipe, you can find it on Epicurious' website.
Again, I would type it out, but you can just as easily get it on their website, and I need to stop typing soon so that my devoted husband can paint my toenails for me.

Oh, by the way, if you have 30 husbands, this would be the perfect dessert, because with the right slicing technique, you can easily get 30 slices out of this cake. It is so chocolatively dense that even a man only needs the smallest sliver to fall head over heels in love with the baker of the cake.

How to get your Cat (or Husband) to Eat More Fruit

2006-10-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

The percentage of women who meet the recommended intake of fruit per day is probably not very high. The percentage of men who meet it is probably even lower. It’s most likely the lowest for cats.

One of my excuses for not eating enough fruit used to be that I am too busy to eat fruit during the day. That sounds absurd, I know, but hear me out: When you eat fruit, your hands usually become sticky. Especially if it’s juicy and ripe, right? And unlike eating a sandwich or something you can eat with a fork, it is very difficult to eat fruit and do anything else at the same time. Then, adding to the time it takes to eat the fruit, you need to wash your hands both before AND after you eat fruit…that’s two trips to the washroom. In conclusion, if I want to eat an apple at work, it is a nine-minute ordeal during which I can do nothing else. I don’t have that kind of time!

Weighing out my options, I did some brainstorming and decided that the easiest, least sticky, and most time efficient way to get enough fruit into my and my husband’s bellies everyday is the fruit smoothie. There’s no peeling, no pitting, no de-seeding…there’s not even any chewing!

Try it and let me know if it works. But just in case your loved one rejects your efforts, I have included some potential excuses he may give you; each excuse is paired with an appropriate response to help you persuade your sweetheart to ingest the healthy and delicious concoction.

His excuse: “You don’t have time to make me a smoothie.”
Your response: “Nonsense. I can make a smoothie in 55 seconds, true story.”

His excuse: “I don’t want you to go the trouble.”
Your response: “Oh, it’s no trouble at all! I made one for myself and I accidentally made too much. You don’t want it to go to waste, do you?”

His excuse: “I have to go to work.”
Your response: “I know you have to go to work, so I put your smoothie in an empty water bottle. See? Now you can take it to go.”

smoothie-to-go

His excuse: “My stomach is full of chicken.”
Your response: “We haven’t eaten chicken for a week. Anyway, it’s just liquid now, so it’s not really food. It’s like a frappuccino. You love frappuccinos!”

His excuse: “Is there spinach in it because I heard you can die from eating spinach. Death by Smoothie!”
Your response: “You don’t die from eating spinach. You die from eating poop that might be on spinach.”

His excuse: “Smoothies is chick food.”
Your response: “So is frappuccinos.”

His excuse: “I don’t have any teeth.”
Your response: “Use this straw.”

His excuse: “I don’t like cat spit in my smoothie.”
Your response: “I don’t like people who get scurvy because of the lack of fruit in their diet. No scurvy for you!”

look at all that fruit!

You really don’t need a recipe for a smoothie, but I thought I would share with you the ingredients that are essential in my daily smoothie. But you should really put whatever you like in it.

1. Orange juice or juice of any kind. The liquid helps the blender run smoothly. If you don’t use juice, that’s fine, but be prepared to stop the blender and stir the fruit a few times. Stirring adds at least one minute to the smoothie-making process, however, because you have to turn off the blender, open the drawer to get a spoon, take out a spoon, open the blender lid, stir the fruit, turn the blender back on, and repeat procedure as needed. You also have to wash the spoon. Use juice, it saves you time and work.

2. Vanilla yogurt. Yogurt adds thickness and a nice sweetness, especially if the fruit isn’t especially ripe. Yogurt is also good for you!

3. Banana. The banana ensures a creamy consistency. Smoothies made without bananas tend to have icier textures.

4. Various combinations of frozen fruits and fresh fruits. Frozen fruits make the smoothie cold, negating the need for ice, which has no nutritional value. Frozen fruit is also efficient because it doesn’t rot while it sits around and waits for you to get around to eating it. You can buy frozen fruit in bags at the grocery store, or you can freeze fruit that you buy at the farmer’s market.

5. Baby spinach leaves (some days). Spinach is packed with nutrition and only makes the smoothie’s texture a little grainier than usual. You really don’t taste it. It does turn the smoothie green though, so if your husband or offspring are squeamish about green liquids, just put it in your own.

I wasn't eating your smoothie, I swear.

Bon Appétit Pop Quiz

2006-10-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

Which of the following ingredients would you most expect to find in a Bon Appétit recipe?

a) jello
b) pizza dough in a can
c) crack cocaine

If you answered c) crack cocaine, you aren’t very smart because crack cocaine is against the law and I don’t think Barbara Fairchild is the type to recommend that you begin cooking with illegal substances. As for a) jello, I think they’re going to make jello illegal soon.
I just made that up but I don’t think it’s an awful idea.

The correct answer is b) pizza dough in a can. Yes, the pre-made dough in the cardboard tube
off of which you peel the label and onto which you press the back of a spoon until the can pops open.

Bon Appétit suggests using this pre-made dough to save time when making Cheesy Zucchini and Red Onion Flatbread.
I was shocked to read this.
Shocked.
Are you shocked?
I am shocked.
This is Bon Appétit we are talking about here!
Pizza dough in a can?
(I want you to know that I accidentally typed ‘Oizza Dopugh in a Van’ and I almost didn't fix it.)

In Bon Appétit’s defense, I found this recipe in the back of the issue, in the section of “Fast Easy Fresh” recipes. I suppose readers aren’t expecting any precious treasures in the “Fast Easy Fresh” section, and that’s why this one got slipped in.
Expectations of precious treasures aside, this flatbread is really quite easy and quite excellent. I think it might be nice served alongside some carrot soup with some jello powder or crack cocaine sprinkled on top.

Cheesy Zucchini and Red Onion Flatbread
~adapted from Bon Appétit August 2006

Nonstick vegetable oil spray
1 10-ounce tube refrigerated pizza dough
3/4 cup garlic-and-herb cheese spread (such as Alouette), divided
3/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese, divided
3 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley, divided
1 small red onion
1 7- to 8-inch-long zucchini (yellow or green), cut crosswise into 1/8-inch-thick rounds, divided
Olive oil

Preheat oven to 400°F. Line baking sheet with parchment paper; spray with nonstick spray. Whack can of pizza dough against countertop until the tube pops open. Alternatively, follow directions on the tube and press a spoon against the seam of the tube until it comes open. Unroll dough onto parchment. Spread half of herbed cheese over 1 long half of dough, leaving 1/2-inch plain border. Sprinkle with half of Parmesan and 2 tablespoons parsley. Using parchment as aid, fold plain half of dough over filled half (do not seal edges). Spread remaining herb cheese over top; sprinkle with remaining Parmesan. Remove enough outer layers of onion to yield 2-inch-diameter core; cut into 1/8-inch-thick rounds. Arrange 1 row of zucchini down 1 long side of dough. Arrange onion rounds in row alongside zucchini. Arrange 1 more row of zucchini alongside onion. Brush vegetables with oil; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake bread until puffed and deep brown at edges, about 24 minutes. Sprinkle with 1 tablespoon parsley.

Fat Toast

2006-10-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

Why eat corn on the cob when you could eat corn with half & half in it?

Fancy Toast?
More like Fat Toast.
I don't know if you have noticed, but I tend to gravitate towards high-fat and high-calorie foods rather than low-fat foods.

Here is a comparison of the high-fat and low-fat recipes that have appeared on Fat Toast:

Foods with High Fat Content (or high caloric content)
1. Mexican Hot Chocolate
2. Creamy Braised Brussel Sprouts
3. Chocolate Cupcakes with Vanilla Buttercream Icing
4. Roasted Sweet Garlic, Bread and Almond Soup
5. Whole Paycheck Trail Mix
6. Pasta YiaYia
7. Bacon-wrapped Dates Stuffed with Parmesan
8. Ina Garten's Coconut Cupcakes
9. Sausages and Plums Braised in Red Wine
10. Fettucine with Walnuts, Zucchini Ribbons, and Pecorino Romano
11. Cold Sesame Noodles
12. Fresh Corn Risotto with Basil, Tomato, and Lime
13. Thai Chicken Coconut Curry
14. Best Lemon Cake Ever!
15. Dill and Curry Deviled Eggs

Foods with Low Fat Content
1. High-Maintenance Cucumber Gimlets
2. Willamette Valley wines
3. Shaved Carrot with Cilantro and Cinnamon
4. Roasted Onion Salad with Tomato, Bacon, and Balsamic Vinegar

Not listed are recipes that are neutral in fat or caloric content.
(I wish I was neutral in fat content.)
High Fat wins 15-4.
You may have noticed that two of the low fat recipes are really just about alcohol.
So really, High Fat wins 15-2.

This recipe for creamed corn goes out to anyone who can still find some good ears of corn in October, anyone who is less in a summer cookout mood and more in an autumn comfort-food mood, and anyone who loves to add half & half to everything edible.

Adding the "corn milk" from the kernels makes the dish incredibly sweet and creamy. The shallots and bacon add just enough flavor, but not so much that you can't taste the corn.

Creamed Corn with Bacon and Blue Cheese Crumbles
~adapted from America’s Test Kitchen

5 or 6 ears of corn
4 oz. (about 4 slices) of bacon, cut into very small pieces (this is done easily if the bacon is almost frozen
1 medium shallot, minced
½ garlic clove, minced or pressed through a garlic press
1 cup of half & half (America’s Test Kitchen uses 1 ½ cups of heavy cream. Oh so creamy. I found that using half & half gives you a stronger corn flavor, a little less creamy texture, and a little less guilt.)
½ teaspoon minced fresh thyme leaves
pinch of cayenne pepper
2 ounces blue cheese, crumbled (the blue cheese is fancy but not necessary)
salt & pepper

Place the large end of an ear of corn in a large bowl (alternatively, rest the end in the hole of an inverted bundt pan). Cut the kernels off the cob and collect them in the bowl.
Repeat with 2 ears (if using 5 ears for entire recipe, 3 ears if using 6 ears for the recipe)
Using a microplane grater, grate the remaining 2 ears of corn into the same bowl.
After the kernels are gone from the ears of corn, scrape them all down with the back side of a butter knife to press out any remaining pulp or milk left.
Discard ears of corn.

Cook bacon pieces in a heavy-bottomed skillet until crisp. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.
Leaving only 2 tablespoons of bacon drippings in the pan, add the shallot and cook until it softens.
Add the garlic and cook for 30 seconds.
Add the corn kernels (with pulp and corn milk), the half & half, the thyme and the cayenne.
Simmer over medium low heat until corn is tender but still has a nice crunch.
Stir in bacon pieces.
Add salt and pepper to taste and stir.

Mexican Hot Chocolate, Kickass!

2006-10-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when you have a friend who is traveling abroad, and you think he or she may be inclined to bring back a souvenir for you, you have to ask him or her for exactly what you want.

If your friend is going to Antarctica, for example, and you really want a snow globe with a penguin inside it, you must be very specific in your request. You should say, “Friend, when you go to that cold place, and you are thinking of buying something for me, can you get me a snow globe with a penguin inside? And if they don’t have penguin snow globes in Antarctica, can you buy me a candle made from the fat of a seal?” Because unless you ask, chances are your friend is probably not going to buy you a penguin snow globe or a seal fat candle from anywhere unless he or she is prompted to do so.

I personally know that this straightforward strategy works. I know because I used it on a friend who recently traveled to Oaxaca, Mexico. I said to my friend, “Friend, when you go to that hot place, can you bring back some Mexican chocolate for me, you know, the kind with the spices in it?” And she said, “Kickass!”

Bars of Mexican chocolate are unlike bars of American chocolate. In pre-Columbian times, Mayans and Aztecs would roast beans from the native cacao tree and then add spices and water to create a foamy beverage called chocolatl. It is chocolatl that Montezuma (the last Aztec emperor) supposedly drank in goblets before visiting his ladies in the harem. I wonder if Montezuma’s lady friends in the harem ever got any chocolatl. I bet the ugly ones didn’t.

Did my friend bring me back spicy Mexican chocolate from Oaxaca? Yes! She did! And being the kickass friend that she is, she also brought back a round, wooden whisk called a molinillo, which you rub back and forth between your palms to create a beautiful froth. I love my present. I am so much luckier than Montezuma's ugly concubines.

see the flecks of cinnamon and almond?

Mexican Hot Chocolate
1. Get your hands on a bar of Mexican chocolate. My friend brought back “Chocolate Mayordomo de Oaxaco,” which is a chocolate bar with sugar, cinnamon, and almonds ground into it. If you don’t have Mexican chocolate, use semi-sweet chocolate with various enhancements such as cinnamon, sugar, vanilla, cayenne, or ground chiles peppers.
2. In a saucepan, heat the milk and the chocolate (and spices, if using). Stir with the molinillo (or whisk) until the chocolate has dissolved and the liquid is at a sipping temperature of your liking.

Kickass!

Thanks Koss!

Note: The first picture at the top of this post is being submitted for October 2006 "Does My Blog Look Good In This?" event, which is being hosted by Andrew at Spitoon Extra. You can see the other photos here.

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Directions:

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Mexican Hot Chocolate, Kickass!